Season of a lifetime

It's been one week since I've become an official third year medical student. One week.

But because of this week, I am now equipped with all the tools that I'll need as a third year. Supposedly.

This week I learned how to access patient charts and put in orders. I learned how to place an IV and draw blood. I was taught the minute details and changes to the oral presentations that the various rotations require. I was declared to be tuberculosis-free. I practiced how to put foley catheters in male and female pelvic models. I finally received my shiny new badge, and my own personal pager. We had lectures on how to read xrays and learned how to write the perfect history and physical.

And tomorrow, I'll recite the Geneva Oath all over again, and receive my brand new white coat. Still short to signify my bottom-of-the-totem-pole status, but now embroidered with my name! Yes!

I would say that I can't wait, but I kinda can. I can wait, and I wish I could wait.

And that feeling? It doesn't make any sense. Technically, I've been waiting for this moment for a long time. I've groaned and whined about it for the past two years, complaining about things like 'if it's an outdated drug, why do I need to know the side effects? It's not as though my patients on the wards are going to be on it.' Furthermore, this is the cliched reason why we all came to med school. Not to study medical textbooks for two years, but to help people. To care for patients. Real patients.

So why is it that three days before the official didactic-to-clinical transition, I feel totally incompetent and want to run in the opposite direction as far as I can? And as fast as I can?

I'm guessing it's just fear of the unknown. When I step into that hospital on Monday morning, I will have no clue what's going to happen. No idea if I'll be given a heart attack patient or someone with pulmonary emboli, or maybe someone with just some abdominal pain. And because of that, I can't really prepare. And so it's fear of not knowing how much I'll know and recall in the spur of the moment. It's fear of not knowing how confident I'll be in coming up with a differential diagnosis, or placing an IV. It's fear of not knowing if I'll be putting in catheters correctly. It's the fear of not knowing if my inherent awkwardness will be laughed off by patients. It's the fear of not knowing how to act in my bottom feeder role.

Being in the hospital as a second year student was fun. I got to shadow an attending and see patients, and it was fun and exciting. Because I was a shadow. I knew exactly what I was supposed to do, who I was supposed to see, and what I was supposed to say. It was easy, because I just parroted whatever my attending did.

And now it's all gonna be me. No more training wheels. No more bumper guards. No more practice runs. It's all me.

I just have to trust in my education. Trust that I learned a lot these past couple of years. Trust that I have the skills. I just have to trust myself.

Technically, I've been taught everything that I'll need to know. I just need to review it. Practice it. Use it.

I can do this. Because everything in my life has been leading up to this moment. To this transition. And so, I can do this, because I have the tools and the knowledge base to do this.

Supposedly.

Little wonders

It's been a year, but I still miss you every day.

See you again

Shutting down for the next five weeks so that I can finally start that whole studying for boards thing. Good luck to everyone, enjoy the glorious sunshine-y weather, and I'll catch you all on the flip side.

Keep your fingers (and toes!) crossed for me. I need all the help I can get.

My life would suck without you

My two best friends graduated today.

Graduated!

And as they walked across that stage as our dean called them by their full names, with that "Doctor" salutation before it, I gotta admit that I got a little teary.

I am so proud of them, and just a little bit sad that there will be no more spontaneous fried chicken dinners. A little nostalgic knowing that the three of us won't sit in front of the TV for hours on end as we get sucked into the latest Bravo reality show marathon. No more handmade dreamsicle cakes. No more surprise trips to Best Buy and cupcake stores.

But even though those things might not happen any longer - given that J is moving across 5 million state lines, and Lisa across 2 county lines - I know that our friendship is going to last forever. After all, you can't be best friends for seven years, and not have it mean something.

So while I'm a little teary that one chapter is ending, I'm so excited for them and what the future means.

I almost didn't go to graduation today. There was so much to study, hospital patients to see, and board review lectures to attend.

But I went. I played hookey and went. And thank goodness for that. Because it was their graduation! There will always be something to study, some class to attend. But this - this was a celebration. Of their accomplishments. Of our friendship. And how far we've come since that first week of undergrad when I asked the two of them to help me run for dorm government.

My two best friends graduated today. Graduated!

I think I'm still a little in shock.

So congratulations to my Dr. J and Dr. Lisa. Good luck, I love you, and I'll miss you every day.

Boom boom pow

SNL needs to add Justin Timberlake as one of their regulars right away. Because every time he hosts, I know it's gonna be a good episode.

And while everyone is talking about the Motherlover digital short (which is very funny and oh so wrong), my favorite sketch was this one:



Justin Timberlake is a giant boob! Singing parodies of current pop songs in the vein of plastic surgery! How much funnier could it possibly get?

Trouble is a friend

So I tend to freak out a lot. As you may have noticed.

The other day, I was talking to Neil on the phone as he walked back from something, and I was freaking out about boards and third year and the possibility of me dying from food poisoning.

He surprisingly didn't hang up until all my hypochondriac fears were gone, and I was back on track with the studying.

So then I decided to call him back.

Neil
Hello?

Me
Sorry to call back! I just wanted to let you know that I think you are an amazing friend.

Neil
[weird noise]
Okay! Go ahead!

Me
...

Neil
Hello? Michi? Go ahead!

Me
Um, I think you are a great friend? Do you seriously want me to elaborate and come up with reasons for why you're a great friend?!

Neil
Wait, what?

Turns out that a motorist had driven by at the beginning of our conversation, so he really had no idea what I had said. And thinking that I needed to vent about something (per usual), he responded in kind.

So yeah, we laughed a lot at that.

And then I realized I had already written up reasons for his birthday two years back!

(click to enlarge)

Oh Neil. You are a good friend. Hard of hearing, yes, but a good friend nevertheless.

--
Yes, I deliberately censored the image. Wouldn't want anyone to be Google-able during interview season, now would we?