My funny valentine

ME

Ugh. I had a bad day today...and I'm feeling really terrible right now. And unloved. And crappy. Ugh, I hate this. Can you cheer me up?

MARTIN

Sure! [sing-song] Michelle - do you know how much I love you? Let me tell you... my love for you is like dots in a line, and according to the rules of geometry, lines are infinite. And you know how my watch has to be wound up because it's an automatic? If it ran on my love, it'd never stop. And you know how stars die, but we still see the light? I love you as much as that, because the light keeps going. [pause] How about that?

ME

[dying with laughter throughout his speech]

Hahahahahaha!! What is up with all these abstract metaphors? Star light? Lines? I don't know if they even make sense! Shouldn't it be like a circle? A line?!

MARTIN

Yeah, I don't know why all my metaphors are all math and astronomy and physics and stuff.

ME

Hahahahahahahaha!

MARTIN

Fine. Fine! I love you as much as flowers, okay? No, I love you as much as rainbows. There.

ME

Soooooo, you only love me on rainy days. And your love dissipates after half an hour.

MARTIN

See? This is why the abstract ones are better.

ME

Okay fine. You love me as much as a dead star. Wonderful.

---

We the dreamers

There are some days when I feel like Charlie Brown. And on those days, I wonder why I don't just walk away.

There are some days when I'm absolutely great at what I do. I can take a history like nobody's business. Got a heart murmur? I'll hear it. Took some ilicit drugs last night? I'll know. Can't speak English? I'll translate. (Or find someone who can.) I'll gain a patient's trust with just a ten minute interview. I can churn out those H&Ps and get pharmacists and social workers to help my patients with a simple phone call, my charm on full blast.

Those are the good days. The football-kicking days.

And then there are the other days when I feel as though there must have been some kind of fluke in the admissions system, because there's no way someone like me - someone as dumb as dirt - could possibly have been admitted to this school.

I feel it when I get asked stupid "pimp" questions, where it's one of those either you know it or you don't situations, and you swear you knew the answer three months ago, but right now, on the spot, it's eluding you - the name of that syndrome that presents with watery diarrhea, hypokalemia, hypochlorhydria, and metabolic acidosis. (It's Verner-Morrison Syndrome, by the way. Also known as VIPoma, but apparently that answer isn't detailed enough for some attendings.)

I feel it when I present my oral presentations, and I'm asked pointed questions that ultimately make me realize that my diagnosis was all wrong. Or that it's fairly obvious to everyone else that I should have known to check for a folate and B12 level.

I feel it when I miss stupid study questions, and I internally yell at myself. "UGH! I KNEW THAT. WHY DID I PICK THE OTHER ANSWER? STUPID STUPID STUPID!"

Medicine. I hate it, but I love it. Even though it brings me down more often than not. Much more often than not.

And so, on those bad days, I yell and cry and rage against the machine, and the next day, I pick myself up to start all over again. Because I have to believe that I'm going to be able to kick that football. Maybe not today, but maybe tomorrow. Or the day after that. Or even the day after that. Gotta just keep running after that football.

AAUGH indeed, Charlie Brown.

We go together

MARTIN

Hey, can I store some of my more valuable stuff at your place while I'm away?

ME

Like what?

MARTIN

Oh, like my camera stuff. And my DS. And ipod.

ME

Oh that stuff. Sure!

MARTIN

Oh........... and Teddy too?

ME

Hahahaha, what would your subletters possibly do to Teddy?

MARTIN

I don't know! Who knows what crazy things they might do to him if I leave him here!! Or worse! They might STEAL him. [sad pouty face]

---

I know I gave him a hard time about it, but I'm glad that Teddy's back. Bunny missed her buddy.

You send me

[Disclaimer for Ankur and all tweens: This video stars Miley, Demi, Selena, and the Jonas Brothers. You've been forewarned. Please don't have a heart attack.]

Look! All the Disney stars in one place! And in a music video they claim is about environmentalism! Too cute. And I must say, Nick Jonas is growing on me. Miley, not so much.

(UPDATE: video has been reposted!)

Brand new day

I love this - probably because I genuinely feel as though I can do anything after watching it. Fabulous song, awesome dancers - and it's not even the best dance of the season!

Brand new day, indeed. I'm feeling it.

Fire burning

I miss watching fireworks with the boy on Wednesday nights.

Poker face

PATIENT

So, your whole team...what's the hierarchy?

ME

Well, there's the attending, the senior resident, the intern, and then there's me, the medical student. And we're your general medicine care team.

PATIENT

Hm, can you put that in Grey's Anatomy terms?

ME

Sure! So Dave, the resident, is like Meredith Grey. Or Cristina Yang. Izzie Stevens. That group of people.

PATIENT

Got it.

ME

And Jami - the intern, is like Lexie Grey. You know, the people on the show who were performing appendectomies on each other.

PATIENT

I'm assuming they don't do that in real life.

ME

Haha, no. And our attending Dr. Peters* is like...Dr. Shepherd.

PATIENT

Oh, McDreamy.

ME

Yes, though unfortunately, not as attractive.

PATIENT

Hahaha! I agree! Wait, so who does that make you?

ME

Well, clearly, I'm the Chief.

*Name changed to protect my grade.