Oh, she's just being Miley!

Apparently smiling is not allowed on surgery. That, or surgery is going to beat the smiles off my face.

What can I say, I'm a smiley person. The original s'Miley Cyrus, if you may. So on my first day on surgery, I walked up to my assigned ENT attending, smiled, and introduced myself.

ME
Hello sir. Dr. Shah? I'm Michelle, your third year med student.

DR. SHAH*
[never making eye contact, and muttering all of this under his breath]
Okay okay that's fine. Just stand over there. We don't have any patients yet.

I nodded and pulled out my Surgery Recall book to peruse. I saw an empty chair and sank down into it. Heels, after all, are no walk in the park.

DR. SHAH
[still not making eye contact, and still muttering - to the point that I'm not sure if he's talking to himself or addressing me]
No no, students don't get to sit. Chairs are for attendings. Walls are for students.

I jumped up, making way for the invisible attending that was to sit in that chair. Or the three other empty chairs nearby.

I eventually got my first patient, did a crappy H&P job (seriously, what questions are you supposed to ask beyond how are your ears/nose/throat?), and went with the patient to the mini sinus CT scanner.

The scan finished and I went to go find Dr. Shah.

ME
[smiling per usual]
Oh, Dr. Shah? The scan's done.

DR. SHAH
And what did it show?

ME
[smiling still but nervously now, because I've never read a CT scan on my own in my life]
Um. There was a patent airway, nasal and orbital bones were intact --

DR. SHAH
[cutting me off]
Don't give me that A-B-C crap you learn on medicine. What were the pertinent findings?

ME
Haha, um --

DR. SHAH
Why are you laughing? This isn't funny. Be a doctor and tell me what was important.

ME
[no longer smiling]
I believe there is some residual mucus in the sinuses

DR. SHAH
Which one? ALL of them? Just one? Damn it, use medical terminology.

ME
Um, I believe it's not the maxillary or frontal or sphenoid ones.

DR. SHAH
So it's the ethmoid sinuses. I didn't realize we were playing a game of 'not this but that.'

ME
I'm sorry sir.

DR. SHAH
You should be. Don't waste my time.

Needless to say, I didn't smile the rest of the day, for fear of being yelled at. It's going to be a long three months.

* Not his real name, of course. Because he hates me. And smiling.

Shawty what ya name is

ME
Aww, this is kinda sad. Dude, remember you're not poachable when you go to USC okay?!

MARTIN
[looking over]
Hahahaha!! Don't worry I'm not that hot.

ME
[glares]
...

MARTIN
I mean I love you, you're wonderful, and I will not be poached.

ME
Yeah. That's right.

MARTIN
Yeah, and I'm a shorty.

ME
Hahaha, you are!! But you're my shorty.

News update #2

Martin's going back to SoCal!!! USC NEUROSURGERY BABYYYYYYY!!!

Thanks a lot for going back to such a competitive area - makes it so much easier to follow you...what do you have against South Dakota anyways??

Will update with more match stuff after my ob/gyn shelf. Because now I really have to do well.

Cut it, ya match it

It's the week of The Match. Monday is the scramble - the day fourth year med students find out if they have matched into some residency program. And if not, they spend that day faxing resumes and letters of recommendations to programs with open spots, just praying for a job of any sort. Then, Thursday is the MATCH, when students find out where they are spending residency.

I've been stressing out about this Thursday more than anything. Because not knowing where Martin's going seems more stressful than knowing he's going to a location so competitive I won't be able to follow him in a year. I know, it doesn't make all that much sense. But the unknown is always scarier!

Anyways, Martin is kind of a superstar. President of the class, founder of this or that club, good grades, good scores, awesome boyfriend. I've never worried about him matching at a top program, much less not matching at all. However, Martin worries. And whenever Martin has voiced fears about the match, I've always rolled my eyes. I mean, seriously, it's like Johnny Depp worrying that he won't be a good actor playing the Mad Hatter, even though it's just a crazier nonsensical version of the Willy Wonka character he's already pulled off. Or Steve Jobs worrying that he won't make a ton of money off of gadgets merely by putting an "i" in front of everything - iPod, iPhone, iTouch, iMac, iHome, iPad. Or me not finishing a tub of ice cream in one sitting.

It's now Sunday - the day before the Scramble - and Martin bought me a huge tub of ice cream because of my especially black cloud of an obgyn call.

MARTIN
[earnestly]
I need you to tell me that I'm not going to scramble tomorrow. AND DON'T ROLL YOUR EYES WHEN YOU TELL ME.

ME
[just as earnestly as him]
You're not going to scramble. Seriously. Why would you even think that?

MARTIN
But what if it's a FUBAR?!

ME
What the heck is a FUBAR?!

MARTIN
Fucked up beyond all repair.

ME
Hahaha! [seriously] Martin, you are NOT a FUBAR. Not even close. I saw a woman with fourth degree lacerations today...when we went to assess her cervix, we pulled out fingers contaminated with poop. That's a FUBAR.

Martin
[going back to his work]
Hahaha! That is FUBAR!

ME
Hey! I'm not finished!

MARTIN
But I feel better now! I am reassured!

ME
Let me finish! Look at me! You are not a poo-filled vagina!

He really isn't. Still, I will keep everything crossed for him that he doesn't have a FUBAR and have to scramble tomorrow. Even if I will roll my eyes while doing so. While eating my giant tub of ice cream all in one sitting.

News update #1

Brief news update! I'm going to Jamaica on an NU-AID trip at the end of this school year!! So excited! :)

Baby makes three

I stared at the pregnancy test. "Heidi - is it just me, or is there a line there?" The indicator line was super dark indicating that the test was working, but there was a faint line next to the YES. I swear I wasn't imagining it, but I was trying to will it into existence, too.

I had just spent thirty minutes with a couple going over the preconception talk. They were super cute, wondering what strategies there were to get pregnant faster, or what diets they should both be on for super fertility. At the end of it all, I asked her when her last menstrual period was. Um, February 5th? I stared at her.

ME
Do you remember how long your cycles were before you started the pill?

WIFE
Um, I think I was pretty normal...like 26 to 28 days maybe?

HUSBAND
[putting the pieces together, eyes bugging out]
Do you think we're pregnant?!!?

WIFE
But! That's not possible is it?! I've only been off the pill for a month!

ME
Well, how are you feeling?

WIFE
Well...I think I have a cold - I've been feeling really crampy and I have some abdominal pain....OHMYGODDOYOUTHINKI'MPREGNANT?!

ME
Well, since you're here, why don't we go ahead and do a pregnancy test? Did you leave a urine sample?

WIFE
Yes. Yes I did!

I excused myself and went to go squirt some of her urine onto the pregnancy test card. And here we were, with a faint barely discernible line. I called over my preceptor who looked at the card and told me I wasn't imagining anything. The pregnancy test was positive. She walked over to the conference room where the couple was waiting. But halfway there, she turned around. Wait - you should do the honors! I stopped in my tracks, flabbergasted. Go on. Go tell them they're pregnant!

So I went. And I told them. And they didn't believe me for five minutes, repeatedly asking me if I was just joking, and if I knew what a horrible joke this was. I promised them that I wasn't lying, but to be sure, we wanted to do a blood test. They looked at each other, grinning and internally freaking out. The wife got up to follow me to the lab. And then the husband stopped her, turning to me to ask, "um, would it be weird if you gave us five minutes to process this first?" I smiled and left the room, closing the door behind me. The door had barely clicked closed when they started screaming and yelling. I had no doubt that behind that door they were jumping up and down.

It was exhilarating. It was amazing. And it was so so joyful.

PS I don't want to be pregnant. But I love seeing other people who want to be pregnant, find out that they are.

Superdate (aka Megadate)

I love gooey and romantic!