Feelin' blue

I have med student syndrome.

We started out the year with microbiology, and I was convinced I had a tapeworm. We moved on to hem/onc, and I was convinced I was anemic. During GI, I was positive that I had some early form of GERD. I diagnosed myself with heart murmurs and endometriosis. And during the neuro unit, I blamed my failing vision on multiple sclerosis.

We're now in our psychiatric unit. And I'm now convinced that I have atypical depression. I mean, seriously! From our notes, it's defined as having 2 or more of the following:
- significant weight gain or hyperphagia (usually carbohydrate craving)
- hypersomnia
- leaden paralysis
- rejection sensitivity

Given my propensity to snack heavily on all things from the bread family and my love of hour-long naps, I already fulfill the diagnosis! But lately, I've started to realize that my arms and legs feel a little heavy. And really, show me one person who doesn't get a little hurt or defensive when insulted, jokingly or otherwise. So there you go! I have ALL FOUR symptoms!

My one saving grace is that I'm convinced that every single med student has atypical depression. I mean honestly, who wouldn't? We're stressed, chronically sleep-deprived, jaded, forced to wear itchy uncomfortable clothes to the hospital, and the absolute bottom of the medical hierarchy where it's easy to get dumped on due to our lack of experience and knowledge.

As long as it's not just me.

Leaving town

Here's Lisa's 3x3. She gets pretty pictures of flowers for her name, whereas I get pictures of a pro golfer and a skull and bones tattoo. So I must say, I like hers more than mine! Even if the last picture is of a ravenous dog. I think.

And this is J's 3x3.

Yeah. I have no words.

However, J would like to state for the record that for the last picture, the word was "awesome" and not "crazy" as depicted. But I like to think that Flickr might know him better than he knows himself. (I mean, seriously - just look at that ax-wielding murderer in the left middle panel.)

3x3

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Here are the "rules" to creating this, in case you wanted to know what the pictures were supposedly representing:
a) Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search (http://www.flickr.com/).
b) Using ONLY the first page, pick an image.
c) Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into Mosaic Maker. Change rows to 3 and columns to 3 (http://bighugelabs.com/flickr/mosaic.php).
d) Save the image and post it!

The Questions:
1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What is your favorite color?
4. Favorite band?
5. Dream vacation?
6. Favorite hobby?
7. What you want to be when you grow up?
8. What do you love?
9. One word to describe you?

Note: although you might search for something, you very likely will end up with a Flickr page full of pictures showing you something completely different. For example, I typed in Lifehouse, and got daffodil fields, laundry, and snow-covered swings. (I went with swings because I thought that was the most "Hanging By A Moment"-esque.)

Pie in the sky

I apologize for all the food-related posts recently, but I wanted to pass this along. (It's probably because when I study, I turn into a veritable food monster. Everything I want to do, look at, or read about, is related to food. But that's another story, and many inches to my waistline.)

Anyways, LOOK! It's a pizza vending machine! You can choose what toppings you want, and then the vending machine MAKES everything to order, and you have pizza three minutes later! Cheap, fast, fresh, and supposedly delicious.



I love pizza and I'm drooling right now, just thinking of it!

How sweet it is (part 2)

What: Iron Chef Streeterville
Where: Rachel's Kitchen Stadium

For appetizer, it was chocolate vs. coconut

Toast with chocolate and fleur de sel &
Tapa chorizo con chocolate
[Chef Martin]

Coconut a la shrimp with a hint of lemon
[Chef Ryan]

---

For the main course, it was basil vs. cheese vs. mushroom

Basil, cheese, apple, and chicken pizza on whole wheat dough paired with a refreshing Caprese salad
[Chef Amy]

Turkey bacon wrapped chicken breasts stuffed with garlic and herb goat cheese
[Chef Neil]

Mama's Mushroom Madness
Comfort food inspired twice-baked casserole with chicken, mushroom, and deliciousness
[Chef Rachel]

---

For dessert, it was mango vs. carrot

Thai sweet sticky rice infused with coconut milk and topped with fresh mango (Khao Neeo Mamuang) & Mango Lassi
[Chef Michelle]

Sweet carrot buttermilk pie with carrots, carrots, and more carrots
[Chef Betty]

Split personality

On Friday, I took the NMBE 's comprehensive basic sciences exam. Our school pays for each of us to take it, and thankfully, it doesn't count for anything. It's a practice exam of sorts, to let us know where we are and what we need to focus on for boards studying (read: everything).

It doesn't count for anything. That's the key phrase. Yet, I had trouble sleeping on Thursday night, and was as stressed out about it as I would be for any of my other regular does-count-for-something tests. Why? Because this NBME exam was going to predict my possible range of Step 1 scores, based on the performance of previous years' classes.

Holy crap.

I did not want to be the one random outlier (on the negative end of things). My biggest fear was that I would open up that envelope, and next to "Predicted Score" I'd see a 150. Or something. I was just so afraid to see a score that wouldn't qualify as passing.

So I was in my seat, waiting for the exam to start and trying to make the palpitations and sweating stop. Just breathe, Michelle. Just breathe. And as I sat there with my head down, trying to calmly collect my thoughts, I saw them.

Split ends galore. Not one, not ten, but five hundred million. It's like every single hair on my head had freaked out the night before and split (and not in a yummy delicious banana-like way). And then, before I knew it, the test had started, but all I could focus on were my split ends. And how gross they were. And how I would give anything for a pair of scissors at that moment.

The test sucked. Majorly. I was blatently guessing on 90% of the questions, and for the 10% that I had a vague idea about, I didn't know the second part of the answer that they were looking for. For instance, let's say that they described the Hokey Pokey. As I'm reading the question, my self-confidence would rise - "Yes! I know what they're referring to!" But then I would read the actual question, which might be something like, "What is the first body part that is involved in this group dance?" Then, I'd be like, "Oh crap! I know it's the Hokey Pokey...but what comes first? The head? No the hand. Right hand? Left hand? Oh god. B or C? B or C? Oh man, it's probably D, I haven't had a D answer in seven questions! Circle D, Michelle! Just do it!"

Take all that self-doubt and confusion and multiply it by a million, and you'll come a little close to feeling as I did.

The test took four very long agonizing hours. But it was good to experience "battle conditions." Now I know that I can't sit for four hours straight. And that having a muffin and orange juice beforehand really does matter. And that I should probably tie my hair back in a ponytail so that I won't obsess over split ends every five questions. Because I did.

So the moment it was over, I high-tailed it to the local salon and told the woman there to chop it all off.

"But why?! You have beautiful hair!"
"Oh, thank you. I have split ends though."
"Oh yes, I see that. But it's okay. That's normal for Chicago weather. You can't really do anything for it."
"Oh. Well I just want a trim, but take off as much as you need to."
"I won't take off that much. Don't worry."
"Haha, you can chop off as much as you want. I promise I won't cry about it."

She then started cutting my hair, and I smiled, glad that at least this one obsessive compulsion would be cured quickly.

She was done 10 minutes later. "Really, you have such beautiful hair, I didn't want to take off too much. Young girls should have long hair. Long beautiful hair so that men will fall in love with you."

Then she handed me a mirror, and I looked. And then I looked again. Because minus the blow-out job, I looked the exact same.

Yes, she had trimmed my hair. But just barely. It was a 1cm trim. On my longest layers. The shorter ones on top hadn't even been touched.

I didn't even know what to do, except pay the outrageous $50 fee and go home. Where I proceeded to find another five million split ends and started cutting them each individually by hand. Two hundred down, just a bazillion more to go.

I have half a mind to just shave my head, so that I can focus on studying, instead of what this terrible Chicago weather has done to my hair.

And I apologize, because I have no idea how a story about the NBME exam turned into a story about my ridiculously expensive and useless haircut. And I know that in the grand scheme of things, having a couple split ends here and there won't matter as much as my boards score will. But I can't help but obsess over them. Because I can fix those now. Quickly. In the moment. Without having to study for the next two months. Because I'm an instant gratification kind of person, but with boards, there's no reward until you get that score. And that's a long ways off.

But this is what I gotta do. I gotta study. And obsess over drugs and side effects. And not my split ends splitting.

I really ought to just shave my head and be done with it.

How sweet it is

Today, I planned for my IRON CHEF CHALLENGE instead of doing my stats homework.

Yes, I looked up rules and regulations, researched iron chef parties (see here - apparently my friends and I are not the first to do such a thing), and then videotaped the Boy selecting names and secret ingredients out of a hat, so that when I sent everyone their secret ingredient assignment, they would know that there was no trickery or shadiness going on. It was all randomized, people; I don't play favorites. (Also, I would link to the video here, but I'm appalled by my messy armchair that is featured quite prominently in the background throughout, so I'm going to pass. You'll just have to imagine it. Or coerce one of the "Iron Chef contestants" to tell you the Youtube link.)

Anyways, now it's 10:30pm, and I'm staring at my homework, realizing that I'd much rather figure out the perfect mango dessert, than determine the efficacy rate of anticoagulation in treating pulmonary embolism.

I can't wait for Friday. And if you know of any delicious desserts that prominently feature mango, send them my way. Because when it comes to mango, I really don't know anything. I don't even know how to peel and dice them.