God only knows

To whomever is hexing my life, please stop.

It's been really hard to breathe the past couple of days. There's always something to do, something to read, something to fill out, something to study for.

I just can't seem to catch a break.

My heart rate is seemingly permanently elevated, I feel like I'm constantly gasping for air, and I've been subsisting on fruit and granola. Oh, and soda. Lots and lots of soda.

On Monday, I had a unit test. And that afternoon I had a board review lecture. Which I will have every day of the week until God knows when. After that I had to go into our fake medical student clinic to practice fake pelvic exams on plastic models, and listen to heart sounds and lungs. Wherein I realized that while I might know that an Austin Flint murmur is associated with aortic regurgitation, I actually have no idea what it's supposed to sound like. Similarly, I also have no clue what the difference is between a wheeze and a monotypic wheeze, except that the latter sounds quieter. But maybe that's just me. (I also might have actually memorized the name incorrectly, so don't yell at me if you have no idea what I'm talking about. Because clearly, I haven't got a clue either.)

Yes, I'm talking about all those physical exam skills I'm going to need in less than 3 months. It's kinda stressing me out.

And then today, after filling out all the paperwork necessary so that I can work at the lovely VA hospital next year (required, naturally), I hit the final save and submit button, and the government locks me out of the program, with a lovely error message saying that I don't have the proper credentials to log in. It waited for forty-five minutes to tell me I wasn't logged in properly?!

Seriously? Seriously??

So now I'm going to wait another thirty minutes, and then go back through the painstaking PAIN of filling in all the places that I've lived in, all the times I've been employed and unemployed, and looking up my birth certificate information all over again.

And today, on my way home from school, I got hit by a giant wall of water, not once, but TWICE. Seriously, if there's a giant puddle in the road, please don't go driving through it at 80mph, especially after you see the cab in front of you soak everyone on the sidewalk. Thanks, taxicab drivers of Chicago, I really wanted that dirty sewage water shower. I wanted it so much, I wanted a double dose of it.

Of course, throughout all of this stress - go find three hospital patients and do a write-up! turn in your paperwork! get your face fit for infectious disease masks! go check yourself for TB because this is what happens when you don't! prepare for board review! figure out the treatment for MLL! oh crap, it doesn't exist! - there's the dark cloud of boards looming overhead.

My brain is always on. My anxiety center is on overdrive and my body is constantly trying to decide between fight or flight. And honestly, a big part of me just wants to run away and hide.

So please. If you're hexing my life, just stop. I could really use a break from all the bad news bears.

Mona Lisa

Yesterday, my best friend of seven years turned twenty-five. And yesterday, the JLM trio reunited to celebrate.

There were delicious cupcakes......and steak and corn on the cob...

and penis-shaped chocolate-covered coconut macaroons as well.

I can't believe this might be one of the last birthdays that we'll all be able to celebrate together. I also can't believe that I had to use that as leverage to get the ever-mopey J to smile in pictures.

Happy birthday Lisa. You are the greatest friend I've ever known...here's to the past seven years, and many more in the making!

The bed that you made

So by now, I'm sure everyone's heard about the Miss USA California gay marriage controversy. And while I was (and still am) a stanch opponent of Prop 8, I believe that Ms. Prejean is entitled to her views. However, that said, she did NOT lose the crown because she stood up for her beliefs, as so many blogs and news outlets (see FOX) have been praising her for.

Let me quote her exact statement:

Well, I think it's great that Americans are able to choose one or the other. We live in a land that you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage. And, you know what? In my country, and in my family, I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman.

Okay. Seriously. If she had stood up there and purely said that she didn't believe in gay marriage because she had been raised with conservative Christian values, and those religious values dictate that marriage exists only between a man and a woman and blah blah blah, then she might have had a shot at the crown. At that point, you could call her ouster a result of her views. Because that would have been standing up for her beliefs and being a strong and confident woman who does not back down in the face of adversity.

However, I firmly believe that she lost, and rightfully so, because she was completely inarticulate! Have I been reading a different answer? It rambles and doesn't make any factual sense in places. If people could "choose one or the other," would there even be a Prop 8 vote? Or this desperate fight for legalization of gay marriage sweeping across the States? Also, I totally did not know that heterosexual marriage was "opposite." Opposite to what exactly? Also, clearly, not everyone in her country believes that marriage should be between a man and a woman - because as Perez stated in his question, Vermont just became the FOURTH state to legalize it. Also, I'm so glad that you think that you believe it. If you think a little harder, maybe you won't?

Ugh. She lost because her answer didn't make any sense. And now I hate that she's going on talk shows saying that she lost because she stood up for her views. Why not be a gracious loser, and say that the best woman won? No, instead she says things like, "in my heart, I won" and "it may not have been politically correct, but it was biblically correct."

I kind of just want to punch her in the face.

Grace under fire. Isn't that the definition of a pageant queen? I'm sorry, but that answer was anything but graceful. And her behavior since then, has been anything but pretty.

I really hope the crowned Miss USA (Miss North Carolina) takes care of herself and stays out of trouble, because I would not want Miss California cashing in on her first-runner-up status.

Part of your world

UPDATE: the link has been fixed for the inflatable shower curtain. Also, the free Whole Foods bag coupon expires on the 26th, so get yours soon!
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Happy B(earth)DAY! Say it out loud; it'll make more sense.

From recycling to unplugging your printer every now and then, there's so much one person can do to change the world. One person can bring about change.


One person can come up with the idea for a compostable chips bag.

One person can come up with a shower curtain that forces you to take quick showers. Or suffer a suffocating, soapy death.

One person can use a free Whole Foods reusable grocery bag, instead of asking for paper or plastic.

One person can make a difference. And that one person can be you.

Just dance

My dad just sent me this, and true to his word, it definitely did put a smile on my face.



It's like this one, but with The Sound of Music! It's awesome times a million.



Update: And here's a very recent one featuring 100 Single Ladies in London.



It doesn't seem as spontaneous as the other ones, but I gotta give them props for dropping trou and dancing in those leotards. In a very public location, to boot!

Hello, Dolly!

Well, here's some concrete proof that I can be a pediatrician.

I went to the bathroom just now in the women's hospital, and there was a mom trying to do her thing with her two little hooligans in the stall with her. I paid them no mind and went into my own stall to take care of business, and then --

Mom
Anita! You stay right here! Where are you going? Stay! No wait - come back - agh!

Anita
[cute toddler laughter]

Mom
It's not a game! Anita!

Just then, a little girl crawled under my stall divider and said 'hi!'

To my credit, I didn't scream or freak out or fall into the toilet bowl. No, instead I just looked down and smiled, "Why hello - I think your mom is looking for you!"

Feelin' blue

I have med student syndrome.

We started out the year with microbiology, and I was convinced I had a tapeworm. We moved on to hem/onc, and I was convinced I was anemic. During GI, I was positive that I had some early form of GERD. I diagnosed myself with heart murmurs and endometriosis. And during the neuro unit, I blamed my failing vision on multiple sclerosis.

We're now in our psychiatric unit. And I'm now convinced that I have atypical depression. I mean, seriously! From our notes, it's defined as having 2 or more of the following:
- significant weight gain or hyperphagia (usually carbohydrate craving)
- hypersomnia
- leaden paralysis
- rejection sensitivity

Given my propensity to snack heavily on all things from the bread family and my love of hour-long naps, I already fulfill the diagnosis! But lately, I've started to realize that my arms and legs feel a little heavy. And really, show me one person who doesn't get a little hurt or defensive when insulted, jokingly or otherwise. So there you go! I have ALL FOUR symptoms!

My one saving grace is that I'm convinced that every single med student has atypical depression. I mean honestly, who wouldn't? We're stressed, chronically sleep-deprived, jaded, forced to wear itchy uncomfortable clothes to the hospital, and the absolute bottom of the medical hierarchy where it's easy to get dumped on due to our lack of experience and knowledge.

As long as it's not just me.