So close

Once upon a English Honors class, I sat next to this rather dashing, good-looking guy. And when I say good-looking, I mean like, holy crap, I got butterflies in my stomach every time I looked at him, and holy crap - I blushed as red as The-Scarlet-Letter-omg-can-people-really-turn-this-color if he so much as caught me staring.

With my mouth open. And my tongue dangling out. And drooling.

He was the star of our soccer team. And surprisingly smart as well. Since we sat next to each other, I was also paired up with him for book reports and projects - much to the envy of other girls in the class who would constantly ask our teacher if we had to sit alphabetically.

He was perfect. He was funny, he was smart, he was compassionate, and he could sing. He could bend it like Beckham, and yet he was humble. He was a star, but an awesome teammate. He was an amazing listener, and a great leader. And his mom made the most delicious cookies I've ever eaten (random aside, I know). He could do no wrong in anyone's eyes. There was just absolutely nothing wrong with him.

Just so I can emphasize how amazing this kid is, let me tell you this. He ended up going to Princeton where he graduated cum laude. And then he was drafted into MLS. Where he's currently playing with the actual person who can bend it like, well, himself.

He was the Big Man on Campus. All the girls crushed on him. And I was his friend.

And then one day, I became his prom date.

Prom was great. But that's not the point of the story. What's important is what came after.

He held my hand, and I'm pretty sure he would have kissed me, had my dad not been waiting at the front door like the strict Asian father he is (I had only broken curfew by TEN minutes!). I knew he was serious about his intentions when he came to my orchestra concert the next week and actually stayed awake for enough of it to realize I had a solo and compliment me later. He told me he thought I was beautiful and that he wanted to date me.

So I did what any girl would do in this situation.

I treated him like crap.

Why?

Because he was too good for me. I felt like a charity case. I mean, why would someone THAT amazing want to date someone like me? The thing is, I know if I were to tell him that, he'd hit me, jokingly, of course - because hello, he's so wonderful and compassionate and wonderful, of course he's part of the Men Against Domestic Violence group on campus - and tell me that I was being silly. So of course, I tried sabotaging the relationship before it even got to that point, so that I could be like, see, I knew you wouldn't ask me out, because you're too good for me, and I TOLD YOU SO.

It's twisted, I know.

But maybe that's why I always end up sabotaging my relationships. Because I meet great guys whom meet all my rules and high standards, and yet, I never end up dating them. I get so close, and then it all falls apart because people only come back so many times after you keep pushing them away. I just didn't think I deserved such wonderfulness.

But I am wonderful myself, damnit. I am awesome. And even if I didn't graduate whatever cum laude, and I still can't play sports to save my life, well - I'm pretty handy with a reflex hammer, and I can make mashed potatoes like nobody's business. I am a catch.

And maybe if I keep repeating it over and over again, I'll finally believe it and stop ruining my love life.

And 'til then, well, I'm sure there are some jerks out there that I could date.