I really want to believe in fairy tales

What is a schoolgirl crush exactly? According to google.com's definition, a schoolgirl is "a girl who attends school" so technically, I am a schoolgirl. But at 21, are my crushes still classified as mere inconsequential schoolgirl crushes?

I have this nasty habit of falling completely in love with an ideal. I take a guy and completely turn him into this...unnatural thing. You could point out all his flaws, but I'd be blind. All the good things would outweigh whatever you might try to say to convince me that he's just a normal human being - warts and all. Sad thing is, I probably made up all these good traits in my head, and convinced myself that he possessed them. Thus, I stay utterly devoted to this guy even when perfectly imperfect guys come along and strangely, take some kind of liking to me. And I treat these flawed but genuine boys like absolute crap. It's almost as though I can't believe that they could possibly like me, and I automatically push them away, making our friendships very very awkward.

I used to think that my falling so completely and utterly was the stuff that fairy tales were made of. I thought that, if I could love so deeply, and find someone who would love me back just as much, I'd be set. My happily-ever-after would be just one Disney song away. Fast-forward 10 years later, and I'm starting to realize that I'm falling for guys who can't be felled. As I'm in a 2-4 year stage of liking one guy, I'm passing up other ones...others whom I'm starting to realize might be my diamond in the rough.

This is it. No more. As I try to get over my most recent going-nowhere crush, I swear on my scratched up Love Actually DVD that I'm going to take the next imperfect guy and find out if his flaws just might make him perfect. I need to calm down. I can't go around expecting Prince Charmings and creating awkward (non)friendships with frogs. To get my happy ending, I need to realize that it's not necessary to have a once-upon-a-time.

rent will be $2 for mediterranean ave.

i don't know what i'm going to make this blog into. some place to write about my wacky hijinks? my secret thoughts? random news articles that i'm always finding? maybe all? well, whatever i decide on, it's sure to be random.

my family and i played board games all last night. i officially suck at word games - we played boggle and scrabble...but the thing is, the moment i see a word that SHOULD be there (i.e. i make a word that's missing two letters, or i see a block of letters that could spell a word if it had an R, etc.) i get stuck on that word and it's game over for me. and my parents kept insisting that nonexistant words should be allowed...so then we switched to what we thought would be a milder game of monopoly. however, we've had this particular game set for over 25 years...so it's basically falling apart. and none of us have played in a really long time...so we forgot the rules and were trying to make them up as we went. my little sister kept landing on spaces that were already owned (it took her two turns around the board before she finally bought something). my dad started to resent the fact that i continually collected rent from him every time he landed on my spot. my mom, always trying to be the peacemaker, helped my sisters monopolize different strips, by selling them her "land" at warehouse prices. and so we played. one huge dysfunctional family. and it was really fun. it's been a while since my entire family has sat down and played nicely with each other for an extended period of time.

random news fact: apparently we're going to have a "leap second"...the powers to be have decided that we need to insert an extra second so that the earth's rotation is aligned with our clocks again. now...i don't know, but does a second really make that big of a deal? regardless, we're all going to have an extra-long new year's eve...because when we count down to the new year, at the moment the ball drops in your part of the world, it'll be 23:59:60, before the clock goes back to all zeros. read the story here: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10605881/

off to buy a newer version of monopoly. :)

My first post

Star light, star bright
First star I see tonight
Wish I may, wish I might
Have this wish I wish tonight.

As a child, I used to believe that wishing on falling stars really worked. Every night, I'd squeeze my eyes shut and scrunch up my face so tightly it felt as though my eyes, nose, and mouth were all connected, and then quickly, in the quietest whisper an eight-year-old could muster, I'd make my wish. I wish that Travis Trevor will pick me for his dodgeball team. I wish I can have a birthday party - complete with unicorns and pink tutus. I wish that I can be just as cool as my older sister. I never cheated. It was always one wish per star...and I never wished for more falling stars.

I didn't really know what shooting stars looked like. I just assumed that they were bright lights in the sky that tumbled to the horizon when they just got tired of sitting up there. It didn't seem strange to me that these lights never actually shot across the night, but rather, blinking white and red, moved deliberately, purposefully.

I was wishing on planes and satellites.


I'm a lot older now and I don't wish on stars any more. But every now and then, if I happen to glance up and see a satellite, twinkling reassuring down at me, my lips will start to move, murmuring my deepest and darkest secret desires.


...let's find out if wishing on satellites just might work.