Here with me

I've never been a believer in long-distance relationships.

It never appealed to me, for sure. Think about it. Building a relationship based on five minute snatches of conversations before work, voicemails in between classes, and the obligatory once-a-month out-of-town visit? It just doesn't seem possible that it'll be able to last. Sure flowers and chocolate are nice, but no matter how hard Hallmark wishes it did, a card with a cheesy message saying "I miss you" just isn't as good as the real thing. Oh, make no doubt about it; those are great for impressing the girlfriends. And as they ooh and aah over the gorgeous lilies or roses and remark how thoughtful and loving your boyfriend is, you think, yeah, I've got it pretty good. But then you see the couple on the street doing mundane, everyday tasks like grocery shopping or walking their dog, and you really start to wish he were there to hold your hand or share an umbrella with you.

What can I say? I like tangible things. I like to be able to reach out and feel someone next to me. It's hard for me to feel connected to someone via a phone line. I crave human touch. Eye contact. Sure, there's comfort in knowing that if I really needed something, my someone is just a phone call away. For sure. But it sucks when I make that phone call and I have to leave a message...knowing that I won't see him when I get home from school, or later that night at dinner. No, I won't see him until the second week of the month, when he finally cashes in on his limited vacation days. And let's not lie. Sometimes I just want a big ol' hug. And I don't know how you transmit that cross-country.

And then there's the whole trust issue. I trust him. I do. But I still get jealous flare-ups when he talks about his coworkers (male and female, mind you). Not because I think he's going to cheat on me. Not because they're prettier or funnier. Not for any rational reason. I'm jealous purely because they get to see him and spend far more time with him than I do. He works from 6am to 8pm. And it's not boring individual cubicle work either. It's fun team-building leadership camp counselor kind of work. My Tim time is on the phone from 11pm to midnight. It makes no sense at all for me to be jealous. But I'm jealous because I can't be there with him. It's an absolutely ridiculous reason. I know this. But I never claimed to be a rational person.

I found someone so good and so right for me, and yet we hardly have any time for each other. So does that still make him "so good for me"?

The honeymoon's over. That's clear. Nobody said relationships were easy. But no one ever told me I could care about someone so much, and yet have to work so hard for it.

You can't stop the beat

Not again.

Seriously.

I mean, seriously?! You have got to be kidding me.

You all remember my last neighbor. Loud. Obnoxious. Total frat boy. Constantly playing his music at deafening levels, and having crazy kinky sex along with it. You remember him.

I moved into the city a couple of weeks ago. Out of suburbia. Out of dorm rooms. Far far far far away from annoying white boys who think they're all that (and honey, really...what do you have? A car? A job? Money? ...cause you sure ain't got no looks). Out of Evanston. Into Chicago. Into peace and quiet. My own apartment. My safe haven.

Or so I thought.

This morning, I woke up around 5am to someone knocking. Though I was a little surprised I could hear my neighbor's door so clearly, I was positive that nobody was coming to visit me. So I rolled over, pulled my pillow over my head, and went back to sleep. Two seconds later, it finally registered in my head that there was definitely no one at my door. And no one at anyone else's door either, for that matter. See, the banging that I was hearing? Definitely accompanied by some heavy moaning. And by moaning, I mean crazy loud "oh baby"s and "yeah!"s.

Yeah.

People. Please.

Learn how to have sex a little quieter.

I mean. Honestly!

I'm a med student. I need my sleep.

Bless the broken road

You might want to take a seat. I have some big news.

Ready?

I have a boyfriend.

Yes.

A boyfriend.

Now here’s the kicker. I’m scared out of my mind that I’m setting myself up for disappointment.

Let’s be honest; we met under less-than-ideal conditions. We had both just graduated and starting this very temporary summer job in gorgeous Los Angeles where we work from 6am to midnight. I was salty after my last pseudo-relationship went belly-up. Six months ago, he broke up with his girlfriend of three years – the one he thought he was going to marry, mind you – after she cheated on him.

Talk about excess baggage.

Never mind that we had only known each other for two weeks. And that we were only going to be working with each other for another month.

Never mind that I live in Chicago, and he’s from Missouri.

Never mind that my parents would never approve of his non-Taiwanese heritage.

Never mind all that. We were in Los Angeles. Land of impulse buying and instant gratification. Los Angeles is, after all, Lindsay’s Lohan home base – and we all see the tabloid stories of her 4-day relationships with different men.

Yet, what started out as a summer fling has started to turn somewhat more permanent. And I couldn’t be more excited.

Something about our relationship just clicks. He understands me. That’s quite the cliché, I know. But he does. He’s so ridiculously right-on all the time about my feelings and fears, and he knows exactly what to do to assuage them. Which is very unlike my ex-boyfriends. My last boyfriend was not the guy to go to for affirmation. He would say things like “hey, if I stop liking you, I’ll let you know – otherwise just assume that I still like you,” while Tim – yes, you know I’m serious about a boy when I actually name him in my posts - is very vocal about being heads over heels for me.

I’m not going to lie. It’s strange to hear that from someone you’ve only known for a short while. Self-esteem boosting for sure, but still strange. I mean, what does he like? How could he possibly know who I am after knowing me for merely a month and a half? True, we spent every waking moment together. But still. What if summer vacation Michelle is very different from during the school year Michelle? Will he still like me then? I’m starting medical school! It’s going to be tough. It’s going to be stressful. And him! He’s going to be traveling around the country, working for a junior high conference, working from 6am to midnight. How is our relationship possibly going to work out? And how weird is it to start off a relationship long-distance? And how insane is my phone bill going to be every month?

Like I said, I’m scared out of my mind.

I’m scared because I like this boy far too much. Far more than I should, given the circumstances.

Keep your fingers crossed that this doesn't blow up in my face. When I'm least expecting it.

Wow. It's been quite a while since I've last posted. Maybe it's the smog, maybe it's the crazy work hours, but while I was in Los Angeles, I couldn't write a single decent post (which is why I ended up deleting so many). But I'm back in Chicago, and the rambling will commence soon enough!

Chicago's my kind of town. I love this place.