I've never been a believer in long-distance relationships.
It never appealed to me, for sure. Think about it. Building a relationship based on five minute snatches of conversations before work, voicemails in between classes, and the obligatory once-a-month out-of-town visit? It just doesn't seem possible that it'll be able to last. Sure flowers and chocolate are nice, but no matter how hard Hallmark wishes it did, a card with a cheesy message saying "I miss you" just isn't as good as the real thing. Oh, make no doubt about it; those are great for impressing the girlfriends. And as they ooh and aah over the gorgeous lilies or roses and remark how thoughtful and loving your boyfriend is, you think, yeah, I've got it pretty good. But then you see the couple on the street doing mundane, everyday tasks like grocery shopping or walking their dog, and you really start to wish he were there to hold your hand or share an umbrella with you.
What can I say? I like tangible things. I like to be able to reach out and feel someone next to me. It's hard for me to feel connected to someone via a phone line. I crave human touch. Eye contact. Sure, there's comfort in knowing that if I really needed something, my someone is just a phone call away. For sure. But it sucks when I make that phone call and I have to leave a message...knowing that I won't see him when I get home from school, or later that night at dinner. No, I won't see him until the second week of the month, when he finally cashes in on his limited vacation days. And let's not lie. Sometimes I just want a big ol' hug. And I don't know how you transmit that cross-country.
And then there's the whole trust issue. I trust him. I do. But I still get jealous flare-ups when he talks about his coworkers (male and female, mind you). Not because I think he's going to cheat on me. Not because they're prettier or funnier. Not for any rational reason. I'm jealous purely because they get to see him and spend far more time with him than I do. He works from 6am to 8pm. And it's not boring individual cubicle work either. It's fun team-building leadership camp counselor kind of work. My Tim time is on the phone from 11pm to midnight. It makes no sense at all for me to be jealous. But I'm jealous because I can't be there with him. It's an absolutely ridiculous reason. I know this. But I never claimed to be a rational person.
I found someone so good and so right for me, and yet we hardly have any time for each other. So does that still make him "so good for me"?
The honeymoon's over. That's clear. Nobody said relationships were easy. But no one ever told me I could care about someone so much, and yet have to work so hard for it.
3 years ago
