What is a schoolgirl crush exactly? According to google.com's definition, a schoolgirl is "a girl who attends school" so technically, I am a schoolgirl. But at 21, are my crushes still classified as mere inconsequential schoolgirl crushes?
I have this nasty habit of falling completely in love with an ideal. I take a guy and completely turn him into this...unnatural thing. You could point out all his flaws, but I'd be blind. All the good things would outweigh whatever you might try to say to convince me that he's just a normal human being - warts and all. Sad thing is, I probably made up all these good traits in my head, and convinced myself that he possessed them. Thus, I stay utterly devoted to this guy even when perfectly imperfect guys come along and strangely, take some kind of liking to me. And I treat these flawed but genuine boys like absolute crap. It's almost as though I can't believe that they could possibly like me, and I automatically push them away, making our friendships very very awkward.
I used to think that my falling so completely and utterly was the stuff that fairy tales were made of. I thought that, if I could love so deeply, and find someone who would love me back just as much, I'd be set. My happily-ever-after would be just one Disney song away. Fast-forward 10 years later, and I'm starting to realize that I'm falling for guys who can't be felled. As I'm in a 2-4 year stage of liking one guy, I'm passing up other ones...others whom I'm starting to realize might be my diamond in the rough.
This is it. No more. As I try to get over my most recent going-nowhere crush, I swear on my scratched up Love Actually DVD that I'm going to take the next imperfect guy and find out if his flaws just might make him perfect. I need to calm down. I can't go around expecting Prince Charmings and creating awkward (non)friendships with frogs. To get my happy ending, I need to realize that it's not necessary to have a once-upon-a-time.
3 years ago
