When does the space in girl friend disappear so that the designation becomes girlfriend instead? Can it ever?
That came out of nowhere, I know. But I had to just blurt it out. Put it out there, so to speak. Okay, let's back this up a bit.
See, ideally I would love to meet someone, be a little bit attracted to him, and hit it off so well that we become best of friends. As he begins to figure me out (and I know I'm complicated), he'll learn who I am and know me inside and out (consequently making me be even MORE attracted to him). Then, if the feeling's mutual, we begin to date. Yet, in our instant gratification, 1-hour-photo-isn't-fast-enough world, it seems as though that whole getting-to-know-you part of relationship-ing, the part that I love LOVE love, is getting phased out. I mean seriously. Raise your hand if you know someone who went on one date with a guy from her class, and the next thing you know, they're in a steady relationship.
Who knows more than one?
See what I mean? Can you honestly feel such a connection to one person in just two hours? (Yes, I know dinner and a movie takes longer than two hours, but you're definitely not making a personal connection during a movie. And no, hand-holding does not count.) I'm not arguing that you can't feel attracted to someone. That's why you ask for a second date. I'm saying that you can't know in the small amount of time given that you can/want to make a serious commitment.
So to relate this back (somewhat awkwardly, I realize), I don't mind being the girl (space, space, space) friend. I'm just tired of it automatically designating me to the friend role. This kind of goes back to the whole ladder theory that was so popular a couple of years ago on the internet. The one that says girls have two ladders, one for lovers and another for friends, but boys can jump from one ladder to another (though some occasionally fall into the abyss, naturally). Boys, on the other hand, according to this theory, have only one ladder. Friends do not exist on this ladder, only lovers. So essentially, once you've been labeled as a friend, there's no turning back. and no, you cannot argue that everyone starts out as a friend. Everyone starts out as a potential lover, and then gradually, you get labeled as a lover or a friend.
I just want the courting/dating phase to make a comeback. Instead of deciding whether or not a girl could be a potential girlfriend, doesn't it make more sense to choose a girlfriend from a girl friend? These are the girls who've understood you, put up with you, sympathized with you. Why would you spend so much time learning about someone if you know it's going to go nowhere?
And I know people are going to assume this entire post is about one person. But it's not. I'm guilty of this too. how many times have I responded with, oh no! he's just a friend!, with a look of complete shock/disgust on my face? Countless. My friends have clearly thought that I should be dating my best guy friends. And yet, I never have. My previous relationships? All of them (and yes, I do mean, all) were the hi-nice-to-meet-you-let's-go-out type.
So I guess I shouldn't be sexist. When does boy friend become boyfriend?
In When Harry Met Sally, the movie tried to answer that age-old question: can men and women really just be friends? The romantic comedy says no. I say, yes. And when the friend label has been applied, men and women rarely ever become anything more.
Who knows. Maybe I'm completely wrong. Here's hoping I am.
3 years ago
