I started 4 posts this weekend, and couldn't complete any of them. I'll come back later tonight and try to finish them off if I get my cell bio assignment done on time...or I'll just try and summarize my thoughts in one big blog entry, which will undoubtedly lead to incoherent ramblings... but bear with me.
I've been trying to distance myself these past couple of days from some people....which is mainly what my 4 other posts have been about. See, I have this amazing ability to cut ex-boyfriends out of my life. Resolutely. Completely. I figure, once the relationship is over, there's just really too much excess baggage to even try to have some semblance of a friendship. It's just better if we revert back to the acquaintances stage. We nod and smile casually at each other if we pass each other on the street, or - better yet - avoid eye contact at all costs. But I can't do that with close friends who've hurt me. I can't cut those ties. I know that there's really no point to maintaining a friendship - I mean, honestly, it's the same standard right? They've hurt me, why should I bother giving them a second chance? But I do. I give second chances. Third chances. Fourth chances. And yes, I recognize how pathetic I might sound just now. Essentially, I feel as though I've invested too much in that friendship to give it all up.
But that all stops now. I read about a 27-point love affair plan, which I think can be easily adapted to friendships. How it originally works is this: you start with 27 points. Every time you call them, you deduct 3 points from your score. Every time they call you, you add two points to your score. If you drunk-dial them, you subtract twelve points. If they drunk-dial you, you add ten points. Once your balance hits zero, the love affair's over. (And yes, I think IM-ing and drunk-IMing counts here as well...it's the same as phone calls in our internet-enabled world.) So here's how I think it should be applied to friendships. It's the same thing. Start with 27. But because friendships should be completely fair and equal, when they call you, or you call them, you either add 3 points or subtract 3 points, respectively. You never want to be over 50 or close to zero. If you're over 50...clearly you're avoiding the person, and the question to ask yourself is why? If you're at 5 or lower, you're investing way more than the other person is. And again, ask yourself - why?
Can a friendship really just be dumbed down to just a number? Maybe, maybe not. But it's bound to make you reevaluate at least some of them.
So starting today, I'm going to start using my point system. Maybe tweak it every now and then and add some more rules when I feel like it -comments on blogs are one point each, every week that goes by without either one of you talking to each other is minus 5 points, presents/random acts of kindness are 8 points, visits are 2 points - but this is it. I'm drawing the line. And I'm going to figure out who exactly values my friendship as much as I value theirs.
3 years ago
