Best I ever had

Every now and then, life deals you a hand you just don't want to play. But play you must; folding is not an option. You hope against all hope, and you risk it all, praying that somehow you can beat the odds. After all, we were all taught to make lemonade with lemons. And we all learned from Sound of Music that when God closes a door, somewhere he opens a window. Even Nike ingrained in us at an early age to "just do it!"

So we look for a way. Or something to make it better. The rainbow across the sky at the end of the thunderstorm. Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens.

But in the end, we all know that it was futile from the beginning.

I'll be the first to admit that I've been living a semi-charmed kind of life. I remember during my very last orchestra concert, I had thought to myself that I had to be dreaming. I had gotten into the school of my dreams, went to the most magnificent prom ever (no horse and carriage needed when you've got a beat-up '97 Honda Civic), and I had accomplished everything I had set out to do in high school. In any book, this is where my story should end. All loose ends had been nicely and neatly tied up. It might seem morbid, but the journalist in me was convinced that I was going to die the next day. My story was too perfect.

But I didn't die. Instead it just kept going. And while there were setbacks and dark moments along the way, I wouldn't change a thing. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

And now this. The worst two weeks of my life. Where I just kept getting slammed with more and more bad news. I'm just now trying to pick up all the pieces and put them back into some kind of order. I know what I need to do. What I must do. Even though I might not want to. Because no matter how many times I try to change the parameters, no matter how many times I calculate out all the different permutations, the end result always comes out the same.

And so I know I have to do this. Sure, everything happens for a reason, but I would give an arm and a leg - make a deal with the devil, even - so that nothing would change. Because up until now, my life has been perfect. Perfect even with its imperfections. I've been so close.

But now that things must change, I just want to throw a couple of things out there. I have the best friends in the world. I don't know if I've said that enough. Because I honestly have the best, most caring, friends in the world. And I will miss you all so much. Because you have all been such a huge part of my life. I would not be where I am, who I am, without you. You have been amazingly supportive, and during these past few days and weeks, you guys are the ones who have kept me smiling and laughing. You guys are the one who've kept me moving forward, forcing me to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I will miss you guys so so so much, you don't even know.

I've been so touched by the outpouring of love and support that you've shown me. Not just now, but since the day I've met you. And I'm immensely grateful for it. And a little ashamed, because I don't know if I'm deserving of it all. I'm shaking a little, even now, writing this. You guys are unbelievable. You guys are awesome. You guys have been my family. And I truly love each and every one of you.

When I'm gone and I'm feeling a little down in the dumps, I'll think of things that make me happy, things to make me feel better. But forget silver white winters that melt into spring, or girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes. Bees can sting and dogs can bite, but none of it will phase me, because I - cheese alert - will have my memories of you all. I know I have you guys on my side. And that makes me feel ready to take on any Goliath.

I will miss you all terribly. Thank you for everything.

My slingshot's loaded, so here goes.