ME
So this guy can probably go. He came in with suicidal ideation, but is now saying he's fine and he was contracted for safety.
ATTENDING
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up. Start at the beginning. Give me an actual presentation on him.
ME
Oh. You want the whole spiel, not just the dispo plan.
ATTENDING
Yes.
ME
[flipping through the chart to find the patient's H&P which was written by my co-intern]
Umm.
ATTENDING
Does he have a job?
ME
Um, no, I think I read that he was unemployed.
ATTENDING
Does he do drugs?
ME
No, I asked the patient, and he denies any alcohol or illicit drug use.
ATTENDING
What does the chart say?
ME
[still flipping]
No, no drug use. Utox on admission was negative.
ATTENDING
So why was he laid off from his job?
ME
[finally finding the H&P amidst all the other paper documentation]
Okay, here we go. Here's the ID -- this is a 55 year old Hispanic male with no prior psych history, presenting with suicidal ideation and prolonged depression after a MVI five years ago.
ATTENDING
So he doesn't do drugs, but he took a multivitamin five years ago. Why the hell do I care about that?
ME
Oh. I mean motor vehicle accident (MVA). I couldn't read the handwriting. Sorry.
