Shelter

Rome wasn't built in a day, but my apartment only needed three days to put together! I am an IKEA furniture master assembler. Also, my parents are kinda amazing at using IKEA tools. Take that, screwdriver.

The doorway: So, because my apartment is next to the elevators, I have this fabulously large entryway. And I clearly needed to do something with it. Needed an area to tug on shoes, check makeup, chuck keys, and for my superstitious Asian mother, a place to put my money tree.

Continue through the hallway, pass the kitchen, and go into the living room.

I love the openness of it all! And Ami and Jean (and Gelia and Markus, hello Germany!) will notice all of my South African treasures. Including the very large canvas I hauled back from Cape Town, now framed and prominently displayed! True story, it was so large, I had to buy another suitcase in South Africa, just to bring it home.

The bathroom! Small, but cozy.

And, my favorite room of all -- my bedroom! Complete with a brand new memory foam mattress!! I love sleep.

And you might have noticed my fabulous floor-to-ceiling windows in both the living room and my bedroom. Except they aren't actually windows at all. They're doors! Leading out onto the most wonderful balcony ever.  Where I have views of Disney Hall, the Hollywood sign, LA City Hall, the Los Angeles Times, and the smog overlying the city. Because hey, it makes for great sunsets.

Trust me, it's even better in person. So come on out and visit! (I even have free guest parking!)

Follow your dreams...but what if it is a stupid dream?

Stephen Colbert speaking at Northwestern's Class of 2011 Commencement.

Come clean

After being really silly and laughing about something superficial on The Voice:

MARTIN

You're so bright and shiny. I hope you stay that way through residency. [2-second pause] But you won't...

ME

What!? Man, that's so depressing sounding. Thanks for setting me up for failure.

MARTIN

It's not your fault. [The program] is dark and grimy.

ME

Don't worry. I'll make sure I take showers.

Shut up and drive

I know why Asian women have such a reputation as bad drivers.

It's because Asian mothers beget Asian women. And Asian mothers are the ones who sit next to their Asian female offspring as they learn how to drive.

Admittedly, my mom is probably just anxious. I mean, this is the first time in twenty-six years that she hasn't been the the one in the driver seat. And I haven't quite learned how to finesse the gas pedal or the brake, so I've been unintentionally peeling off at green lights and coming to whiplash-inducing stops. Granted, I also tend to stop two car lengths behind the limit line, and then slowly inch my way forward to finally come to a jerking stop, only to look up and realize that in that amount of time, the light has turned green again. So of course, I go peeling off again.

So sure, it makes sense that she's holding on for dear life. Holding on so firmly there are now permanent marks and impressions of her fingers on the car seat.

But hey. I passed boards. I graduated from medical school. I think I'm generally a pretty smart person. So I can do this. I can learn how to drive. I mean, the DMV offers tests in Spanish! If someone who is not English proficient can get a driver's license, I damn well better be able to learn how to operate a car.

But the way my mother talks to me, you'd never know it.

MOTHER

Stop stop!! There's a car ahead!!!

ME

Mom, it's in the other lane. Going the other direction.

---

MOTHER

Slow slow slow! Slow down! Why are you going so fast!!!

ME

Mom, I'm going 50mph and trying to merge. Do you want me to come to a stop on the freeway?

---

MOTHER

Are your lights on?

ME

I think so. Doesn't that light on my dash mean that it's on?

MOTHER

I think you need to click the lights once more.

---

I then proceeded to drive with my brights on for the rest of the night.

The best part of all this? My driving instructor yelled at me a couple of days later, and told me I wasn't allowed to drive with anyone but him, because I was picking up all these bad habits and wrong ways of driving. For example, did you know that you're not supposed to slow down when merging? You're merging lanes, I thought you had to slow down! But no. And also, did you know that when you're doing traffic checks as you cross intersections, you're not supposed to slow down so you can look both ways? Apparently, you're just supposed to keep going at 45mph as you crane your head 180 degrees. Who knew? Thanks, mom.

But you know what, regardless of all that, I gotta say that I kinda love driving. And when my Asian mother isn't yelling at me to slow down or stop, it's kinda really relaxing and wonderful.

I know. No posts in over a week, and the last one was a lame excuse of a South African Idol. What the hell have I been doing?? Well:

1. Learning how to drive like a crazy Asian lady. I am the stereotype. And I fully own it.

2. Failing the driving test at the DMV because I am a crazy Asian lady driver. But also because I didn't want to run over any pedestrians. Who knew? Apparently you're not supposed to yield to pedestrians when they're walking against the light. Thanks DMV. Cue NBC ping. "The more you know."

3. Psychiatry-ing my way into passing my next attempt the very next day.

4. Driving between LA and Diamond Bar to move my fifty million boxes.

5. Moving into my gorgeous new apartment and assembling all my furniture on my own. Without the help of assembly instructions (seriously, it doesn't help if the instructions aren't in ENGLISH). But it's all good. Things might be lopsided and drawers might not open, but hey, it's standing. Now, question: if my couch is super comfortable, do I really need to put together my bed?

It's been a crazy two weeks, as predicted, but I am woman, hear me roar, indeed. Lots of fun posts on the way!

I hate the DMV with a vengeance.

Light up the world

I know we made fun of it a lot. But it was kinda the perfect soundtrack to a most perfect month, cheesy lyrics and introverted homeless men be damned. To my South Africa loves -- I miss you tons. I miss the chivalry, the perfect European manners, the tea, the coffee, and all the wine, and all the traditions you guys showed us uncultured American swine. You know where I've been, and you know where I'm going. Gravity pulls me, you know I can't resist you.

Lighthouse by Elvis Blue, the winner of South Africa Idol Season 6.

ELVIS BLUE "Lighthouse" from Warwick Allan on Vimeo.

But most of all -- to Jean and Ami -- I miss you girls.