Before I die, I wish to:
1. Be kissed like there's no tomorrow. You know the kind. The type where you're swept off your feet. Where everything else goes out of focus, not that you'd notice because you're completely oblivious to anything and everything not involving the two of you.
2. Relearn how to play really gorgeously on my violin. I used to be good. And then, something happened freshman year of college. I got too self-conscious or something and couldn't play in front of friends or strangers. And as a result, I've stopped playing. And every day, I realize that I've wasted 18 years of violin lessons. The feeling's especially bad when I hear a gorgeous piece (like the love theme from Romeo and Juliet) and I realize that I used to be able to play like that. Mind you, I never mastered double stops or really difficult technique things. And my five teachers all tried to change my bow hand position, to no avail. But I could pull off a decent melody. I remember being able to really feel a piece, as nerdy or dorky that might sound. But that's what frustrates me most now. I know how I'm supposed to be feeling. I know how I want it to sound, and when it doesn't, I feel frustrated, disappointed, and nostalgic all at once.
3. Dance in the rain. And get completely soaked in the process. I think this desire stemmed from a mix of the ending to Breakfast at Tiffany's and the infamous dancing scene in Singin' in the Rain.
4. Make a quilt. I know it sounds mundane, but quilts have so much history, and one of these days, when I finally get the courage to rip apart my old clothes, I'm going to make a quilt that's full of my childhood and teenage memories. It's going to be quite eclectic, what with the prom dresses, orchestra sweaters, choir outfits, Key Club shirts, the cloth lining my Easter baskets, Sadie Hawkins' he-shirts, and Halloween costumes. But I wouldn't have it any other way.
5. Get my ears pierced. I was going to say get a body piercing, but let's be honest - I'm too conservative to get anything else pierced. But, I'm too scared of pain, so I don't see this one happening anytime soon, but if I happen to go under the knife and am completely anesthesized, someone remember to punch holes in my earlobes for me.
6. Be in love. I've fallen, but I've never been in a love that I thought could last forever. Sad, but I'm hopeful that it's bound to happen one of these days.
7. Go back to Switzerland and just absorb everything. I used to think that Paris was the city of love. Of romance. I mean, I learned French. But there's just something about Switzerland. Maybe it's the gorges. The Alps. The endless waterfalls. The sprawling gorgeous landscapes. My memory of that one dinner in Switzerland with my friends. I love it.
8. Find out where this place is.
And visit it. Run away to it. Or better yet, discover my own hideaway.
9. Have a picnic for two on the beach. At sunset. And then proceed to take a long walk by moonlight. (Give me a break, I had to have at least one romantic cliche on here. I mean, is it even that cliched? How many people have had long strolls on the beach? I can forgo the bubble baths, but I want the beach picnic.)
10. Whip my body into shape. I've always been thin. But it's never been toned. And since my body is starting to pudge in the wrong places, I'm beginning to realize that this might be the last chance I get for a perfect ten body. (Okay, perfect nine. Absolute perfection is impossible. But relative perfection is completely and totally within grasp.)
11. To go (as they say) all balls out, and be completely honest and tell someone I love how much I care for them. I'm too repressed, too self-conscious, too hurt from prior loves, that it's always been hard for me to express my emotions. It's a true sign of how much I love someone when I can rage and show all of my true colors. Of course, there's the flip side to that too. I like to think that one of these days, when I meet that absolutely fantastic guy (dimpled, of course), I'll open up, and that protective wall I always build will come crashing down. And I'll finally be able to say those three little words.
***
The best thing about making these lists is realizing how much I've actually accomplished already in a mere twenty-one years. I was thinking about how I want to be able to cook a real five-course meal. And then realized that I've cooked an entire Thanksgiving dinner (and didn't kill anyone, at least, not to my knowledge) for a hundred people. I've planned a formal, with bells and ribbons - clear proof that I'll be able to pull off a wedding. I've been in a wedding - granted, I ended the Wedding March in a minor key, but the marriage hasn't ended in divorce yet, so I count that as a success. I know two foreign languages. One of which I can actually communicate in, but can't read or write. The other, I verbally butcher, but can read and write at a elementary level.
And then there are the impossible things that I wish I could do. Be in a fairy tale. Time travel. Sing. Be in two places at once. Rebuild burnt bridges. Wake up with 20/20 vision. Be shorter.
Regardless, I'm looking forward to my twenties and thirties. My wish list will happen. I'm sure of it.
