You know how whenever you have a really close group of friends, you start placing bets on who's gonna get married first? And you always think you know who it's gonna be. Whether it's for romantic reasons, religious reasons, or no reason at all - you always know who's gonna be the first one to get hitched. Oh it's gonna be Chris; she's been dating her boyfriend for 6 years! Or, definitely Caroline, because she's only in college to get her MRS degree. Or, duh, Jefferson - he's Mormon!
A week ago, the day before my friend Jefferson was to leave for Japan, my group of friends and I were all sitting around having lunch. At Chipotle. And about twenty minutes into my burrito bowl, Jefferson told us he wanted to show us something. Fishing around in his pocket, he turned to me, and pulled out a box. A little black box.
Then he opened it. And there it was. The biggest diamond a student loan could afford. It was tiny, but gorgeous.
No, he wasn't proposing. Not to me, at least.
But the next day, he was on a flight bound for Japan. Bound for Engagement-Land.
And for the past couple of weeks, all I can think is, holy crap, how did we get here already?! That game we played is slowly turning into a reality. My sister is walking down the aisle in less than a month. Facebook photo albums are now entitled So and So's Wedding, or Presenting Mrs. [insert new husband's last name here]. I had lunch with one of my friends last week, and she's already getting set up with eligible men right and left. She's only 23.
You make guesses about who's going to get married first, but marriage always remains this far-off destination - the rest stop right before you head into Happily Ever After land. Marriage, for me, has always been something I promised I'd think about after my career was stable, but not one minute before. And so, while I might joke about finding my Prince Charmings and knights in shining armor, I'm firmly stuck on the page right after "once upon a time" and one singing mob, two beasts, three enchanted forests, and four wicked witches away from a wedding of any kind.
But now, I can't help wondering. Could I be engaged myself within the next four years?
Wow. That is scary.
Scary because I couldn't see myself marrying any of my past boyfriends. Scary because I don't know anyone I can see myself marrying, even in the most bizarre of worlds. Scary because I'm dating just for fun. Just for the heck of it. Not because they're necessarily someone I could put down roots with. Scary because I feel like we're still way too young - we have our whole lives ahead of us. And scary because I know the longer I wait, the more likely I'm gonna end up using match.com in twenty years. Have you been on that site? Dude, scary. I want to find my own love of my life. I don't want some computer generating love formulas to find me my so-called Mr. Perfect.
I might end up an old maid. With lots of cats. Even though I'm kinda allergic to them.
I don't know if I'm okay with that. And that's what really scares me.
3 years ago
