Run-ins with ex-boyfriends are always inherently awkward. I never know what to say, and I tend to just completely clam up. I start fidgeting with jackets and become completely fascinated by knickknacks that surround me.
And I never deliberately seek them out. I might be the Queen of Awkward, but I definitely don't go looking for awkward situations to put myself in.
Except sometimes when I'm tired and delirious, I don't really know what I'm doing.
For instance, two weeks ago, an ex-boyfriend sent out an email to my class, offering some really great deals on books I would need this upcoming year. I emailed back, cordially, politely, telling him that I would love to take them off his hands if someone else hadn't already offered. It wasn't until after I pushed "send" that I realized I'd actually have to see him to get the books from him.
The old Michelle would have just bought overpriced books from the bookstore and avoided the whole awkward mess.
He wrote back, letting me know that although two of the books had already been spoken for, he'd give me the rest of the lot at a new special deal! After a couple more emails, we set up a meeting time - which turned out to be at 1am the night before I left for LA - the only time that worked for both us.
A little apprehensive, I walked over to his apartment with nothing but a check and my keys. Ten minutes of awkwardness couldn't be that bad, right?
I knocked on his door, and he quickly opened it. My roommate is sleeping, he whispered apologetically, to explain why he wasn't inviting me in. That's fine, I nodded, totally okay with getting this over with as quickly as possible. So imagine my surprise as he reached down to grab the pile of books, and then walked out the door into the hallway with me.
He sat down. So how are you? It's been a long time since we've talked.
Befuddled, I followed his lead and sat down as well in the corridor. We made small talk for a while - him telling me what he was up to, what to expect during my second year of medical school, and then the shocker - that he was taking a year off to do missionary work - and would be joining my class next year. So I'll see you in rounds, he said excitedly.
I nodded. He started asking me about my classmates, and as I gushed about them, I started gushing about his classmates as well, one of his closest friends in particular. She is amazing. Super involved, super efficient, superhuman. If I could accomplish just 10% of what she does, I'd be set for life, I remarked.
At first he laughed. And then he realized I wasn't joking at all. This girl was totally my role model.
Then he looked at me, very seriously, and said, Michelle - you don't want to be her. You don't need to be 10% of her. Heck, you don't need to be 1% of her. You already are amazing. You are already absolutely incredible.
I was floored. It's nice whenever someone pays you a compliment, but somehow, it means so much more coming from an ex. Because he knows there's no future for the two of you. There's really no need for pleasantries. Just bitter and honest truth. And to have him tell me that, was pretty amazing. Because after all we've gone through, for him to tell me I'm incredible, meant that I must be pretty freaking unbelievable.
We kept talking for a while and soon we were randomly talking about how immature kids are these days. Indirectly, I apologized for the way I treated him, as a lowly little freshman in undergrad. And though I didn't say it outright - it would have been too direct and awkward - he knew what I was referring to. Instead of lording it over me and rubbing it in - how horrible I was, how mean and insensitive I was - he merely nodded and placed some of the blame on himself, saying that his immaturity probably fostered my own. That couldn't be farther from the truth, but it was a nice gesture.
Well, at least we're all grown up now, I laughed, as I stood up to leave.
Oh, we're not at all. We're still young. Still making mistakes.
At least tell me I'm not so immature anymore.
Eh. I guess....
I punched him in the arm. Hey!
We both laughed. We hugged and said our goodbyes, wished each other luck, and I can honestly tell you that I hope we will be rounding together during our third year. Because he's a good friend. And I'm glad that we've gotten over our issues - and oh, there were lots - because when all is said and done, we respect each other. And that's so much better than our previous caustic relationship where we couldn't even look at each other in lecture halls, couldn't talk about each other to friends without dragging them into the whole mess.
One down, five ex-boyfriends to go.
3 years ago
