You know how you have those moments when you realize that everything is exactly as it should be? That even though we have all these different options, different paths to follow, somehow we ended up exactly where we were supposed to be. I love those times. They're few and far in-between, which might actually just add to how special they are. In those moments, time really does slow down, and as cliched as it sounds, you drink it all in. And you remember everything. What you were wearing. Exactly where you were. Who you were with. What they were wearing. What you were feeling. Everything.
A year ago, to the day, I had one of those moments.
I knew exactly what he was going to say before he even said them. Even though I had no clue how I was going to respond. Sitting there, on the bleachers at the UCLA track, watching the lone runner at 4am, we just clicked. We sat there for hours. Silences have never been so exhilarating.
I'm a little glad I never blogged about our beginnings. I never really knew how to describe how deliriously happy I was that summer without it sounding like a top-40 love song. How far do I have to go to get to you? Name me the miles, send me the miles, and I'll be happy to.
He was by no means the love of my life. But I did care about him. And he will always be the first guy who got through my cold cold heart. He was the first guy to make me feel truly beautiful.
I am a hopeless romantic because of him. Even though we crashed and burned at the end, I'm glad we had what we had. Because he made me realize that I deserve wonderful things. And I will be able to find someone who will give me the world, the moon, and all the shoes I've ever wanted.
I've had plenty of 'life is beautiful' moments since then. More than I should be entitled to, I think. But it's reassuring. As many low points this year has had, I've had so many uplifting ones as well. Even today, though it's officially the anniversary of a relationship that had no possibility of ever working out, I'm realizing that I am exactly where I want to be. Exactly where I should be. With all the right people. Wearing all the right clothes. Doing exactly what I should be doing.
It really is beautiful.
3 years ago
