To whomever is hexing my life, please stop.
It's been really hard to breathe the past couple of days. There's always something to do, something to read, something to fill out, something to study for.
I just can't seem to catch a break.
My heart rate is seemingly permanently elevated, I feel like I'm constantly gasping for air, and I've been subsisting on fruit and granola. Oh, and soda. Lots and lots of soda.
On Monday, I had a unit test. And that afternoon I had a board review lecture. Which I will have every day of the week until God knows when. After that I had to go into our fake medical student clinic to practice fake pelvic exams on plastic models, and listen to heart sounds and lungs. Wherein I realized that while I might know that an Austin Flint murmur is associated with aortic regurgitation, I actually have no idea what it's supposed to sound like. Similarly, I also have no clue what the difference is between a wheeze and a monotypic wheeze, except that the latter sounds quieter. But maybe that's just me. (I also might have actually memorized the name incorrectly, so don't yell at me if you have no idea what I'm talking about. Because clearly, I haven't got a clue either.)
Yes, I'm talking about all those physical exam skills I'm going to need in less than 3 months. It's kinda stressing me out.
And then today, after filling out all the paperwork necessary so that I can work at the lovely VA hospital next year (required, naturally), I hit the final save and submit button, and the government locks me out of the program, with a lovely error message saying that I don't have the proper credentials to log in. It waited for forty-five minutes to tell me I wasn't logged in properly?!
Seriously? Seriously??
So now I'm going to wait another thirty minutes, and then go back through the painstaking PAIN of filling in all the places that I've lived in, all the times I've been employed and unemployed, and looking up my birth certificate information all over again.
And today, on my way home from school, I got hit by a giant wall of water, not once, but TWICE. Seriously, if there's a giant puddle in the road, please don't go driving through it at 80mph, especially after you see the cab in front of you soak everyone on the sidewalk. Thanks, taxicab drivers of Chicago, I really wanted that dirty sewage water shower. I wanted it so much, I wanted a double dose of it.
Of course, throughout all of this stress - go find three hospital patients and do a write-up! turn in your paperwork! get your face fit for infectious disease masks! go check yourself for TB because this is what happens when you don't! prepare for board review! figure out the treatment for MLL! oh crap, it doesn't exist! - there's the dark cloud of boards looming overhead.
My brain is always on. My anxiety center is on overdrive and my body is constantly trying to decide between fight or flight. And honestly, a big part of me just wants to run away and hide.
So please. If you're hexing my life, just stop. I could really use a break from all the bad news bears.
3 years ago
