Except, it feels like I'm right back on it again. I'm on my ICU month, and the 8-ball rolled against me, and I got placed in the SURGICAL ICU.
I didn't think it would be that bad. But I forgot that I'm working with surgeons. Who don't smile. Who think that students are merely there for scutwork, not teaching. Who think that students merely get in the way.
And I had gotten used to nice medicine residents. Nice medicine attendings. Residents and attendings who want to help the students. Teach us.
Adding surgeons to my fear of ICU machines? I'm bound to fail.
My ICU attending (or should I call her my trauma surgeon attending?) makes us prepare presentations. And we gave our first presentations this morning. I dunno about you, but when I think of presentations, I think of handouts and imparting clinical pearls and key facts about the topic to the group at hand in a tidy 3-5 minute presentation. Apparently, per my attending, presentations mean that we read about the topic, and she grills us until she's satisfied that we did enough research and reading. So really, today was just a giant pimp fest. And I still have no idea about any anything my fellow students presented -- or rather, were supposed to present. Wow, I learned so much today.
My chief resident just likes to tsk tsk at us. The list wasn't updated? Tsk tsk. But sir, we updated the information on our patients. How about everyone else? ...But we don't know what's new with them. Tsk tsk. I especially loved how he rolled his eyes at us when we told him we had to go to class. A mandatory one at that.
I just spent a month being a sub-intern. I'm used to being in charge, getting to make decisions, learning, and feeling like an integral part of the team. But it looks like I need to brush off my yes'sirs and do as I'm told and regrow that tough thicker skin that I somehow acquired. I'm back to feeling like I'm just constantly in the way.
Damn, I hate surgery.
