Signed, sealed, delivered

I think you have to be superhuman to survive the second year of med school.

At first, I thought maybe it was just the first week. Thrown immediately into four hours of lecture (of stuff that has yet to make sense to me), we also had to help out with the M1s' orientation week. Take our little sibs to dinner. Attend their White Coat ceremony to welcome them into the fold. Put on picnics and activities fairs. Be amazing, essentially.

Eh. It makes sense that I'm behind for the first week, I told myself. There's simply not enough time. No biggie. I'll make it up next week.

Except, the extra time never ever materialized.

With each week we got hit with something more. Economics classes. Review of our entire physical exam skills course in a week. Preceptorships. PBL. Hospital visits. Lunch meetings that we now had to lead and buy food for.

I know I sound like I'm complaining, but remembering to bring napkins and serving spoons along with all the different gram negative bacteria, all while running on four hours of sleep? It's kinda a lot to expect.

Like I said, I think you have to be superhuman to be an M2.

I am not superhuman.

I'm clumsy and forgetful. Awkward and socially inept. Trust me. I am everything BUT superhuman.

I have a feeling I won't look back on this upcoming year and think...hmm, I wish I could do this all over again.

The only thing that is helping me get through this is my class.

This is the beauty of going to a pass-fail school. There's no competition between me and my classmates, just a sense of camaraderie. Today, I had to stuff 200 envelopes. That sucks. But as I sat down to begin the tedious and mind-numbing process, a couple of my classmates showed up and offered to help. Soon, we had a team of 20 soon-to-be-physicians assembly-lining envelope-stuffing.

We were done in less than 10 minutes.

And the cherry on top? I didn't have to make the extra trip out to Children's Memorial Hospital to drop off the letters. One of my classmates lives around there and offered to take them for me.

So really, I guess you don't have to be superhuman. You just have to be a part of the best medical class ever. Because then, you have people who will help during your time of need. It doesn't matter if that time of need is just a need for more time (to study, eat, and do laundry).

Thanks Class of 2010. I would jump off a cliff if I didn't have you.

I hate second year of med school.

But I love my classmates. More later.

Pedestal

First of all...who says 'yes' to that kind of a proposal?!

Set me free

You know how you have those moments when you realize that everything is exactly as it should be? That even though we have all these different options, different paths to follow, somehow we ended up exactly where we were supposed to be. I love those times. They're few and far in-between, which might actually just add to how special they are. In those moments, time really does slow down, and as cliched as it sounds, you drink it all in. And you remember everything. What you were wearing. Exactly where you were. Who you were with. What they were wearing. What you were feeling. Everything.

A year ago, to the day, I had one of those moments.

I knew exactly what he was going to say before he even said them. Even though I had no clue how I was going to respond. Sitting there, on the bleachers at the UCLA track, watching the lone runner at 4am, we just clicked. We sat there for hours. Silences have never been so exhilarating.

I'm a little glad I never blogged about our beginnings. I never really knew how to describe how deliriously happy I was that summer without it sounding like a top-40 love song. How far do I have to go to get to you? Name me the miles, send me the miles, and I'll be happy to.

He was by no means the love of my life. But I did care about him. And he will always be the first guy who got through my cold cold heart. He was the first guy to make me feel truly beautiful.

I am a hopeless romantic because of him. Even though we crashed and burned at the end, I'm glad we had what we had. Because he made me realize that I deserve wonderful things. And I will be able to find someone who will give me the world, the moon, and all the shoes I've ever wanted.

I've had plenty of 'life is beautiful' moments since then. More than I should be entitled to, I think. But it's reassuring. As many low points this year has had, I've had so many uplifting ones as well. Even today, though it's officially the anniversary of a relationship that had no possibility of ever working out, I'm realizing that I am exactly where I want to be. Exactly where I should be. With all the right people. Wearing all the right clothes. Doing exactly what I should be doing.

It really is beautiful.

When bells are ringing

Congratulations Annie and Tim.

When bells are ringing/ima a ting a tinging/ they're ringing and bringing you closer and closer to me/ hear the organ a-playin'/ yeah, I hear the voices singing/ yeah yeah yeah, they're saying I'm wearin' a smile, 'cause I'm marryin' you/ now in a moment or so, all of the people gathered will know/ that for the rest of our lives, we'll be man and wife/ not a soul is a-missing/ yeah, they're all around me kissin'/ oh oh oh, they're kissing and wishing us joy on our honeymoon...
[click on this link to go to the artist's myspace page...the song title is Wedding Bells]

Chasing the sun

I'd hate to admit it, but we all know it's true: I'm a dork through and through. Which is why these kinds of things make me smile and go awwwww.

(Because secretly I wish someone would spin counterclockwise for me.)

This post brought to you by Oregon

I love coming home to California. But invariably it means I'm going to run into old faces. At the grocery store, at coffee shops, even randomly at the post office. And while most of the time it's nice catching up, finding out who's now married with children(!!), who's moved away, and so on, there are the occasional run-ins that are super awkward.

I went to brunch with one of my high school friends the other day. We had just ordered, and I was helping myself to a yummy-looking muffin when he walked in. My high school boyfriend. The one who started dating my best friend before he broke up with me. Yeah. We didn't really keep in touch, but can you blame me?

I was seated facing the door, so we made eye contact when he came in. He dropped his eyes right away, too afraid to even look at his friends who were with him. Now, given my recent success with one ex, I was positive I could make this work out too. High school was forever and a decade ago. It's all water under the bridge now. So when his friends saw me (remember, he was still staring intently at the floor), I smiled and waved.

They walked over to say their hellos. We all had gone to the same high school, so everyone knew everyone else. There was no need for introductions, we could just skip pleasantly to the overly-friendly, over-eager, how are you's.

But as my ex's friend opened his mouth to start the aforementioned expected exchange, my ex butted in and exclaimed, What are you doing here?!

Not used to this kind of confrontational greeting, I sputtered and said I was back in California for my sister's wedding. Our friends looked on, aghast, and more than slightly afraid of what was going to happen in the next couple of minutes.

My friend, jumping to the defensive, threw the question back in his face. And why are you here?

Lunch, came the unequivocal answer from the friends.

We made small talk, finding out where we all were located now, realizing we were all home for the holiday, and then leaving a huge silence where real friends would have invited each other to picnics and high school reunions.

Then my ex spoke up. Again. So you're still in Oregon?

I blinked. Oregon?

Yeah, aren't you in some strange med program or vet or pharmacy thing up there?

I blinked again. Um, I'm at Northwestern med. Which is in Chicago, Illinois...

I was so flabbergasted at the question I drew out the syllables, bringing out my nonexistent ChiCAHgo accent and turning Illinois into noise. He knew I was at Northwestern. He had applied for the same program in high school, and was extremely bitter when he wasn't interviewed. Our friends all knew this, as he had gone on a rampage back in the day about how he had such better credentials than me and he deserved my spot.

Our friends were silent. And the awkwardness piled up around us.

And just when you think it couldn't possibly get any worse, the hostess appeared and cheerily asked if we all wanted to sit together.

NO no no, said my ex's friend, a little too forcefully. We're having lunch.

The hostess took a moment to process that. And then started to say what we all were thinking (which is that you can eat lunch and breakfast at the same table), but I shook my head at her and said that we were fine and would be leaving soon.

Oh okay, she said, picking up on how low the temperature had dropped. Well, I'll get your table ready then, as she walked over to the farthest part of the room, to a table that would have no eye contact with mine whatsoever.

We all stood there, not quite sure what to say to each other.

My friend came to the rescue, simply stating, but pointedly, Um, my eggs are getting cold.

Relieved, we all said our goodbyes and nice-running-into-you's even if we all knew they were total lies.

And here I thought I was making progress on the whole Awkward front.