It's only life

Darren: Aw man, I've got Daft Punk stuck in my head...
Me: Yeah? I've got the new Britney Spears song stuck in my head.
Darren: Okay, you win.

Darren and I were small-talking right before our midyear Clinical Skills Assessment. Given how last week was the terrible Hematology-Oncology-Endocrinology test and Thanksgiving break, I definitely did not study for this properly. I wrote out what questions I was supposed to ask, did a quick run-through of all the physical exam steps I'd have to perform, but I was by no means prepared.

And now, here I was - about to knock on my fake patient's door and somehow stumble my way through the test, all while Britney sang songs about circuses and ringmasters in my head.

Yeah, this was gonna be real great.

So I knock, get the "come in!" and somehow manage to trip myself on the door frame. Seriously, how does that even happen? Thank you, Foreshadowing, nice to meet you.

So my patient actor was given a character to play. Specifically a 41 year old man who has chest pains and might be an alcoholic. I introduce myself, and with that ubiquitous "so what brings you in today?" question, the exam starts.

The history-taking went okay. I asked all the questions I could think of. Actually, it probably would have been great except for all my nervous chatter about how he looks much younger than 41, and how even though he doesn't have an actual exercise regimen, he looks good. Buff. Tan.

Did I mention my patient actor was really cute? And young?

Yeah. Word vomit.

But I think he liked me. That, or he felt sorry for me. See, before I moved on to the physical exam, I asked my catch-all throwaway question, "Is there anything else you think I should know?"

It would have been easy for him to say no. And I expected him to say no. But instead, he furrowed his brow, and said, "You know, I think I'm just really anxious about this 'cause my dad died of a heart attack at age 48. And you don't think my meds could have caused this, do you?"

Oh crap. Family history and medications. Two things that I forgot to ask about. Two very important things I forgot to ask about.

Thanking him silently, I asked him questions from that section of the history, and then after getting the all clear, moved on to the physical. Where I also proceeded to trip all over myself. Literally. I tripped over the little step stool that patients use to get on the exam table. The first time I took the blood pressure, I forgot to put the hearing pieces of my stethoscope into my ears. During the ear exam, the speculum came out and got stuck in his ear canal. When I listened to his heart, I didn't hear a thing because my own heart was about to pop out of my chest from nervousness.

But I got through it, and somehow managed to score pretty well. I even got high marks for smiling (read: dying of embarrassment) and making conversation (read: word vomit).

I don't know whether to be proud of myself or be worried for the future of medicine.