So I was understanding when I walked into my patient's room today, and she demanded to be allowed to go home. I didn't mind when she rolled her eyes at me and muttered indecipherable things under her breath, as I tried to tell her that we needed her to keep the telemetry monitoring on, so that we could make sure her heart wasn't doing anything crazy. I tried not to let it get to me when she turned up the volume on the TV when I asked if I could turn it off so that we could talk.
But then she called me a "stupid chink" and started cursing me out.
And I kinda lost it.
Ma'am, I'm just trying to help you. You fainted for no apparent reason and lost consciousness for ten minutes! And then you were confused for another thirty minutes. That's a LONG time. That is NOT normal. You haven't seen the doctor in twenty years, so all these checks? The blood draws and the blood pressure? They're to make sure that you're okay. I come in every day - not to annoy you, as you say - but to find out if there's anything else we can do to make sure that never happens again.
That would have been fine, but I don't know. Having gone through a whole year of having to put up with all the put downs by attendings/residents, and having dealt with my share of difficult patients, I don't know why I just snapped. I should have just bit my tongue and gone on my merry way. Instead, I kept going.
I am a human being, and I don't deserve to be yelled at like this.
She rolled her eyes at me.
Don't roll your eyes at me - yeah, I saw that. Don't call me racist names, and don't swear at me, because that is completely inappropriate. If you don't want to be here, you don't have to. If you want to walk out that door, you can. No one is stopping you.
I almost huffed out. I was so pissed. I didn't care what this woman said to the nurses about my behavior. I could care less what my residents thought. I have absolutely no motivation this year, and as long as I pass my clerkships, I could care less about being nice to this nasty horrible woman.
But then I realized that if she walked out and dropped dead because she had some cardiac abnormality that we didn't know about, I would feel so guilty. I would feel responsible. So I softened my tone, and continued.
Do I want you to walk out that door? No. Because I want you to get this echocardiogram we've ordered for you. Because I want to make sure that your heart is okay. Because I don't want this fainting business to happen again.
She still refused to look at me.
So, what do you say, Ms. Lily? Will you stay a couple more hours and get this echocardiogram? Because if you want to leave, I can go get your papers ready now. Regardless of what you think, this isn't a jail. We're not keeping you here against your will. We're keeping you here to find out what's wrong with your health. And you can go whenever you want.
She continued to stare at the TV, the volume blaring so loud I was positive the patient next door could hear Kathy Lee and Hoda hawking products on the Today Show.
I was dejected. I wasn't sure she had even heard anything I had just said. I sighed and turned to leave the room, ready to find that AMA document for her to sign. And then she said brusquely, each word cutting through the hostile air, "Fine. I'll stay. Whatever."
I should have been happy that I had convinced her to follow through with her health issues. But instead, I just walked back to my team room and asked to be removed from her care, because I just couldn't go back into that room. I felt like I hadn't gotten through to her. Instead, I had given a 63 year old woman a lecture I thought only my mother was capable of. I felt terrible. But what else could I have done? Maybe I should have just grinned and beared it as she called me "a f---ing c--- who doesn't deserve to be in the country that my forefathers fought for, unless you're washing my clothes. If we were in Arizona, you'd be f---ing deported back to the motherland."
Yeah, she said that.
No, I didn't punch her in the face.
I know she was frustrated. I know she was cranky. And I know she was taking it all out on me. But I didn't deserve that much abuse. That kind of abuse.
