ME
Hello sir, my name is Dr. Wu, and I'm with the neurology team.
PATIENT
[looking me over, then starting to freak out]
Oh my god oh my god oh my god. I'm going to die.
ME
Sir, I'm going to take really good care of you.
PATIENT
What's wrong with me? Just lay it on the line. Just tell me. TELL ME. Give it to me straight.
ME
Well, sir, we took some images of your brain --
PATIENT
[now hyperventilating]
Oh my god oh my god. I'm too young. I'm too young for this. Oh my god. Why?? Oh my god oh my god.
ME
[not knowing what to do, so continuing to plow through my spiel]
..and your CT scan looks as though you might have had a small stroke. That said, it's in the part of the brain that we think will recover very well. So the weakness you have will gradually improve. But of course, we'll have our therapists come work with you too to help you regain your strength.
PATIENT
I already know all that. They told me in the ER.
ME
Oh okay. So yeah, I'm going to continue your stroke workup, which means we're going to look at the blood vessels in your neck and legs, and we're going to do an ultrasound of your heart ---
PATIENT
[interrupting me]
But what about the bad news!
ME
What do you mean?
PATIENT
Your name tag says you're a psychiatrist!
ME
Oh, I am.
PATIENT
So tell me! I have a brain tumor right? I'm going to die? And you're here to talk to me to make sure I don't go jump off a bridge right?
ME
...
You don't have a brain tumor to the best of my knowledge.
PATIENT
Then why did they send a psychiatrist to come talk to me?!?!
