A couple of weeks ago, my parents and I went out for lunch. I decided to order the grilled cheese and tomato soup. The waitress looked at me sympathetically and commented, "one of those days, eh?" I didn't understand, so I smiled and laughed uncomfortably, "yup, a grilled cheese and tomato soup kinda day!" She came by later to check up on us, and noticed that all the fries on my plate were gone. Admittedly, I ate most of them, but my parents helped themselves to my plate too. But she looked at me, and remarked, "wow, you must be having a really bad day."
I don't think she meant any of it maliciously. She probably thought that by being personable and understanding, we'd increase how much tip we gave her at the end of the meal. Except she didn't quite seem to understand that while yes, I am a girl, I do enjoy cheese and fries.
I figured it was just that waitress.
But today! Today I got a salad from this shop frequented by all the financial district lawyers and bankers, and as I walked out the door, I realized they had forgotten to give me bread. And my dressing. So I walked back in to ask for it.
SALAD MAKER
Oh you want dressing????
ME
Yes, please.
SALAD MAKER
What kind??
ME
Um, I guess thousand island? Or honey mustard would work too right?
SALAD MAKER
Hahahaha, no. I mean, do you want light dressing or 95% fat free dressing? And how much do you want? Spritz, drizzled, or lightly tossed?
ME
Um, I can just have whatever regular dressing normally goes with my salad. And can I have the dressing on the side?
SALAD MAKER
Oh sure!
Let's be clear here - I asked for my dressing on the side so that I could go home and have my salad DUNKED in dressing if I so chose. Spritz? Drizzled? What is this craziness? Why doesn't anyone actually enjoy food in Los Angeles?! But I was super embarrassed by my love of dressing that I didn't bother asking for my delicious piece of bread. Carbohydrates, they're apparently banned in LA.
I'm gonna develop a complex. Might already have. But what can I say? I've spent the last ten years of my life in the Midwest. I'm hearty. And I eat.
