Thanks for giving me your seat sir, but that's just my food baby

My bathroom scale is usually under my bed. Out of sight, out of mind. And as long as my clothes fit, I don't really care about the number.

Except my clothes have started pinching and showing off things that really should stay hidden.

So I pulled out my bathroom scale, put in some fresh batteries, and voila! I've gained fifteen pounds since starting intern year. Fifteen pounds! In two months! Egads!

Now, I know that everyone jokes about the freshman fifteen, and how that terrible event in our college lives rears its terrible head all over again during intern year of residency, but seriously. This is ridiculous! Fifteen pounds! Are you kidding me?

Lord help me.

For those of you who don't believe me, maybe you'll believe my crazy psychotic patients. Sure, they might be delusional, but they're also disinhibited and have no sense of social aptitude and are thus extremely truthful. Harshly truthful.

Case in point: today, my patient looked at me and remarked, "I didn't know you were pregnant!"

I"m never eating again.