"Security. How can I help you?"
"Hi, um, I need to report a missing purse."
"Uh, ma'am, have you checked with lost and found?"
"Yes, sir."
"Was it stolen?"
"No...not exactly."
"Well, where was the last place you saw it?"
"On the roof of my car."
"..."
Well, it was just one of those days. My pediatrics team had spent three hours rounding. Which sounds normal, until I tell you that we have zero patients. We had won the game! But my attending decided to punish us instead, because he decided we ought to do chart review to make sure we were compliant with all hospital regulations.
Two hours into this mind-numbingly boring exercise, my phone started to go crazy with emails. Turns out that when I opened gmail on the hospital computer, I had unwittingly downloaded a virus and sent it off to everyone I've ever emailed in my life.
Yes, that would include residency program directors and all my deans from medical school.
I spent the majority of the day fielding text messages from strangers and old friends, "Yes, it's been a long time since we've talked....no, ignore the email you got from me...it's a virus" and then making small talk and diagnosing constipation and offering treatment cures for chronic headaches, because I just felt so guilty that I had infected so many computers.
As I headed to my car, I got another text message, from my mother, no less. "You sent me a picture, but I can't see it! Should I download this program to open it?" I promptly freaked out, sending her a million texts to please STOP, do NOT open the program, and for her to please STEP AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER. I put my purse down so that I could use both hands to emphatically text her, all while struggling to get out of white coat. Then I got into the car, as I continued to text my mom.
I peeled out of the parking lot, glad to finally be leaving all the stress of the day behind me, and hoping to get home as quickly as I could to my own non-infected computer where I could change my email password and set all of my many anti-virus programs on quarantine.
It wasn't until this morning that I realized where I had left my purse.
Yup. On the roof of my car.
Clearly, it wasn't there any more.
Upside...at least it wasn't a baby?
