I can't make you love me...

...and I love it.

The grass is greener on the other side. You always want what you can't have. All these sayings are oh-so-true. Which make it seem as though the opposite must be true as well - you never want what you can have.

I've always dated the good mama boys. The ones you can take home to your family. You know the type. Ambitious. Nice. Courteous. They stand when you walk into a room. Stand when you leave. Open doors. Offer you their jacket when it's cold out. Ask for permission to hold your hand. Think of dating as that old-fangled notion called courting. If they knew my father's office number, they'd probably call him up to ask if they could walk me home from church, all whilst calling him sir.

Yet, there was always something lacking in our relationships. There was too much politeness. I just really want someone to make dinner choices. I want someone to make decisions and just do it. Act out of passion. Romance. Desire. Think how quickly the romance would die in your relationship if you asked your boyfriend or girlfriend if you could kiss them before you actually did. That schtick would get old, real quick.

I have been incredibly lucky. All my men have had all the makings for a Prince Charming - which is what I want, right? I want someone sweet. Someone nice. Someone courteous. Someone who thinks of dating as a-goin' courtin'. I wanted that fairytale ending. But, in the end, Prince Charmings really aren't my type. Not now at least. I'm only going to be in my early twenties for 5 years; this is my time to go buck wild. And while other girls might be looking for that ring around the all-important finger, I don't want a fiance, I want a playmate. This is my last quarter. I'm just out to have a little fun. I've got to blow past the opening gate and dive in.

All this time, I've had what other girls dream of. And I don't want it.

Nice boys might finish last, but good girls who wait for nice boys never get out of the starting gate.

Let's not lie. I'm attracted to bad boys. I can't help it. Even though I only date the good I-can-bring-them-home-to-mama type of boys, secretly, I'm far more interested in the bad you-can't-tame-me type of boys. There's something so sexy about them. Something impulsive. Something just a little bit dangerous. Something raw.

So the clear solution to this would be that I start dating the kind of guys that I'm actually attracted to, instead of the kind of guys that I think I could marry. But, it's not that easy.

See, the other day, I did meet a bad-boy type. While it was exciting and fun in the moment, I still couldn't shake the feeling that something was missing. And now I'm not so sure that I do know what type of guy I'm attracted to. Clearly, I'm merely want those I can't have. I want the unavailable type. Obviously the wrong type to want. And who knows, maybe once I snare an unavailable one, I won't want them any more. I'm playing the game, but at the first sign of receptive-ness, I'm bored.

Maybe, when it all comes down, I'm just scared of commitment. Or maybe I'm just crazy, plain and simple, for letting perfectly perfect boys get away.