I'll admit that I'm a jealous person when it comes to my best friends. Which is probably why I hate it so much when they start dating people outside of our immediate circle, even though I know that it would be d-i-s-a-s-t-e-r if we dated within it. I just hate that the group dynamic changes so significantly. Especially at first. And though we eventually adjust, and I typically end up loving hanging around the new addition, there's still that residual third wheel feeling that rears its ugly head every once in a while.
Though I try to hide it, I resent that there's a new favorite in my best friends' lives. What once used to be a girls' night out, turns into a 2 girls, a boy, and no pizza place (who knows that allusion?) night out. While I used to be the person that my girlfriend or best guy friend would turn to for anything, I now find myself being shut out and unaware of what's going on as they increasingly turn to their significant others for comfort. The thing is, I understand completely, and agree that they should be spending time with the boyfriend or the girlfriend. That significant other is now the person who knows them best and if they want something to result from their relationship, then they need to nurture it. My resentment stems from my position loss as Most Trusted Confidante even though I know I should give it up. I mean, seriously - who is he/she to come along and sweep my friends off their feet, and void 4 years of best-friendship with a couple of sweet nothings and kisses? My worst fear is that I'll soon become a hanger-on - that one friend who tags along, and you can never quite get rid of.
So what's the solution? They could stop inviting me along/I can stop going with, and thus avoid the whole Third Wheel situations. That'll also keep me safe from any excess PDA-ing that seemingly always occurs when inhibitions are lowered, thanks to the powerful effects of alcohol. Honestly, what are you supposed to do when your friends start making out in front of you? (Yes, look away is the correct answer, but you don't go out with friends to stare at the wall the whole night.) And given that we are the target demographic for bar crowds, and far too cheap for the dinner and a movie audience, that'll mean that I would be facing a lot of lonely nights in. We're getting older, people are feeding that urge to settle down, and it seems as though everyone is "in a relationship." So when you're the single gal in a group of drunk paired-off friends, you stick out like a sore single thumb. And really, if I keep staying in, the vicious cycle will only get more vicious.
I'm selfish. I know that I should find the independent woman inside of me, and nix the Third Wheel feelings I get, or let my best friends go out and have their fun without me. But I also know that if I were to stop hanging out with them in such situations, our friendship would eventually deteriorate so that it's just a semblance of an acquaintance. I'm not willing to let that happen. I'm not willing to give them up. I just wish everything could stay the same. Progress is overrated anyhow.
Clearly the best solution would be if my best friends just started dating each other. Then we could continue to be a merry little trio forever.
I know that's delusional, irrational, and completely impossible. But a girl can wish.
3 years ago
