At the beginning of the year, I really wanted to make friends with my new classmates. I was not going to be a wallflower. I was going to go out there, introduce myself, and say hello. Sure, there were college meetings and afternoon classes and morning classes, and eventually I got to know maybe ten people pretty well that I could have a five-minute conversation without turning into someone with Asperger's Disorder, but that was only ten people. All my new friends. Ten. I could count them all on my fingers! No toes required!
So I went to a post-test party. Mind you, I am so not the partying type. But I went anyways. And bought a coke - but told everyone it was a rum and coke, because you know if you're not drinking an alcoholic drink at a post-test party, you're technically not 'drinking' drinking - just so I could be cool and hang out with the in crowd.
Yes, I'm twenty-four years old, but that peer pressure's still so strong, I can make a diamond in a cave.
Anyways, I put myself out there and Made An Effort. I made jokes, moaned about questions on the test, shook my fist at that one guy who scored a 98%, and introduced myself. And this is how it went:
Hey - I'm sorry, I don't think I know your name...I'm Michelle.
Hey Michelle. I'm Matt. And you do know me.
What?
You know me. You were in charge of my patient perspectives group.
Really?
Yeah. But forget about it.
No, really! What semester were you?
2nd...so yeah, we didn't see each other that much. But - not to call you out or anything- but there were only eight of us.
...oooooh. Oh crap. I DO remember you!
So yeah. I'm a little gun shy now with the whole introduction thing. In my defense, I was barely around, and all of 2nd semester was kind of a blur. I don't remember much of it. Or really, any of it.
But anyways, the point of all this is to tell you that I'm realizing that I'm still The New Kid. We're now a week into our third unit, and I'm still that weird girl who sits in the back of the classroom. I'm the strange face in the crowd of familiars. I'm the quiet wallflower that fades into the background. And I feel that it's too late in the game for me to be introducing myself now. That window of opportunity has passed. The train has left the station. You get what I mean.
I will acknowledge that it is my fault. I got gun-shy. So what's a girl to do?
Well, this girl is looking up all the kids in my class on Facebook, and memorizing names and faces. I might be a stalker, but hey, at least it works.
3 years ago
