But yesterday, I got the strangest page in the world. Usually, the charge nurse will give me a brief heads up or a quick cliff notes version of events so that I know what I'm walking into, which is always a good idea if you don't want psychotic or manic patients charging at you for not believing that they're Jesus Christ. But this time around, the nurse just frantically asked me to come - come quickly - to her unit.
I ran.
Turns out a female patient, manic and hyper-sexual, had gone to the nurse to ask for one of her as-needed medications to calm her anxiety. The nurse was surprised; this was one patient who never wanted meds, but went to go get the Ativan. When the nurse came back, the patient was nowhere to be found. She looked in the group therapy room. Looked in her roommate's room. Looked in the dining room. Nothing.
Then they heard loud moans coming from the male dormitory side.
Yes.
Really.
It's just what you think.
The female patient had taken that short amount of time to sneak over to the guys side, find one willing participant, and give him a blow job. While he, in return, massaged her breasts.
Seriously.
And now they were sitting there, caught red-handed as thieves, waiting for me to dole out their punishment.
My first night on night float. And this is what I get paged to do. And besides the standard police report (just to make sure no one was taking advantage of anyone else), and the typical STD screen, I didn't know what else to do.
I'd order chastity belts for the two of them, but 1. it's not on formulary, and 2. that probably counts as some kind of restraint order, which needs renewing every three hours. And well, I like my sleep far too much for that.
Turns out a female patient, manic and hyper-sexual, had gone to the nurse to ask for one of her as-needed medications to calm her anxiety. The nurse was surprised; this was one patient who never wanted meds, but went to go get the Ativan. When the nurse came back, the patient was nowhere to be found. She looked in the group therapy room. Looked in her roommate's room. Looked in the dining room. Nothing.
Then they heard loud moans coming from the male dormitory side.
Yes.
Really.
It's just what you think.
The female patient had taken that short amount of time to sneak over to the guys side, find one willing participant, and give him a blow job. While he, in return, massaged her breasts.
Seriously.
And now they were sitting there, caught red-handed as thieves, waiting for me to dole out their punishment.
My first night on night float. And this is what I get paged to do. And besides the standard police report (just to make sure no one was taking advantage of anyone else), and the typical STD screen, I didn't know what else to do.
I'd order chastity belts for the two of them, but 1. it's not on formulary, and 2. that probably counts as some kind of restraint order, which needs renewing every three hours. And well, I like my sleep far too much for that.
