Underneath your clothes (there's an endless story)

I've seen my fair share of naked patients.

I'm always very aware of how uncomfortable and unnerving it must be to the patient, but it's necessary for us to perform a thorough exam - to fully be able to palpate lymph nodes and feel for pulses. And so we ask patients to change into a hospital gown, with the ties in the back. Granted, most times the patients are never completely naked. We try to give them as much of their decency as we can allow - so underwear is allowed. Sometimes bras or undergarments. But essentially, if the patient doesn't take off all their clothes, we just work around it. I remember one patient who wore five sets of underwear. He had his briefs on over an ACE bandage, and then three - count them - three different pairs of boxers. By the way, he was in the hospital for viral gastroenteritis (in other words, something completely unrelated to his genitalia). And so, when it came time to examine his abdomen, which was being completely obscured by yards of fabric, we just peeled back enough of it so that we could listen and palpate.

Anyways, the point I'm trying to make is this. No patient ever has to go completely naked. Because we know that it's awkward and weird, and makes the patient feel totally self-conscious.

Yesterday night, I was sitting in the hospital lobby, next to the Starbucks, waiting for Martin to finish his shift so that we could go home and have dinner.

As I was sitting there studying, I heard a man's voice singing as he came down the escalator. And his song got louder as he headed towards Starbucks. So I looked up. And there was a patient. In a hospital gown. And then as he breezed by me, I realized that that was ALL that he was wearing. Just the hospital gown. Just a tent-like piece of fabric barely long enough to cover his naughty bits.

Our gowns come in only one size, and you can adjust how tightly you tie it in the back. The man was slightly obese. And so the ties were pretty loose.

So yeah, as he breezed by me, I also realized he wasn't wearing any underwear. And everything his momma had given him, was hanging out. His big beautiful and saggy butt was on full display.

Best part? He came and sat down on the couch across from mine while he was waiting for his coffee to finish brewing. So to my fellow students - avoid the couch facing the window next to the entrance. After all, no one knows how well or how often they sanitize the lobby furniture.

I would say it was awesome, but I'm still flabbergasted just thinking about it.